A little advice: It's always wise to have a beta-reader in any case, but especially when you are writing in a language that is not your first language. While the story seems interesting and a good continuation of the movie from what little I read, the grammatical problems are a pretty big turnoff, there's no reason why you shouldn't have someone to at the very least proof-read (it's probably the only help you need anyway). I would be happy to fill the position if you'd like.

Another small thing:

The concern in chapters 1 and 2 over Mitsuru going back to the way he was before doesn't make much sense -- his ruthlessness was the direct result of his desperation to resurrect his sister; now that Aya's alive again there's no basis for the fear that regaining his memory would cause him to go back to that pattern of behavior - he has no reason to (well, not yet anyway). Wataru certainly knows what Mitsuru's motivations were, and I would assume that given his position and habit of spying on the Travelers, Lau was aware of it too (for that matter, so was everyone who was in the room when the mirror reflected his past), and if Lau knew the toll on the Goddess of Fate(1) then there's no reason he wouldn't know that she resurrected Aya.

1) It's Fate, not Fortune, the two words are similar, but they aren't the same. I'm guessing you probably saw the same translation I did; just so you know it wasn't a very good one.

Anyway, the video game translated it as Goddess of Fate.

nice!
haha.
good job!
nu! mitsuru is...GONE!

AH!
YOU UPDATED!
I feel happy
:)
haha.
I didn't notice till today...THANK YOU!

The ending is really bittersweet because Mitsuru died the second time. Again. It's sad that Keema had died of old age. I hope that the second part will have a much happier ending and you're finally going to have Meena appear!

ah
poor mitsuru. DD;

very nice ending to the curse part though, even though its sorta..sad lol xD
can't wait for more.

Gah! Noes! Over already?! - Sob. -
Oh, what am I to do? Well, victory dance for you ending coming up, story complete, be proud, I could never finish a story of mine.
And a funeral, mourn the ending of a story I liked. Loved. Will never marry! Haha, just kidding. Father of my unborne-children!
- Cough. - Okay, I'm done now. I'm not being funny to myself anymore.

So, anyway, I was wondering, is this a yaoi? Dont worry, if it is, it wont effect anything. just plain curiousity.

- Sigh. - I'm not going to find another story like this, but, I get to read this over an' over again! Lol!

So, update as soon as you finish! I'm anticipating the end!
Much love to you and your awesome story,
-Moirah148

wonderful
can't wait for the next chapter.

OMFG! I lub it! Please update, PLEASE! This is the only Brave Story fanfic, and it totally ROCK'S! Please update soon! (Unless your dead, and if you are, I'm sorry to disturb your... err... eternal slumber,... but if your not...) PLEASE! PLEASE!Pleas! I'll stalk you if you don't...

pssht! im too weird an' dramatic for own good... >.<
( P.s. I'm insane, but not insane enough to not know i'm insane... dont worry, i wont hurt you, maybe just my brothers birthday cakee... @_@ )

nicely done!
but i wish that you would update before next year. i want to read more.
XD
sorry.
keep up the good work!

NO!

The ONLY Brave Story fanfic... It had to be a YAOI!?!?!?!?!
-pause rant-
Sorry I'm not talking to you, I'm asking Kami-sama (God) why this had to be. Please pardon me for my ranting.
-start rant-
Oh how the world is so CRUEL! The ONE thing I wish was not a shonen-ai...
-end rant-
What brave story did you see? The book or the movie? If you watched the movie then you HAVE to read the book. There is a character named Kaori Daimastu, the daughter of the man who owns the haunted construction site. In the end there is something going on between Wataru and Kaori! *wipes tear from cheek* I just finished reading it. It's a pretty big novel by Miyuki Miyabe. MAN! I wish Miyazaki would have made the movie.

I just finished reading chapters 2-4 of your story and I think I'm hooked on it. Please update it soon. ^w^

[Sorry for comment spam :P]

I'm really glad someone has finally made a Brave Story fanfiction! I'm currently working on one right now too.
I like your writing style very much and the story line is good. Very creative. Keep it up, and I can't wait to read chapter 2~!

I'm so happy you updated! Anyway interesting chapter. Mitsuru's starting to remember and that probably isn't going to go over so well. XD Are they going to meet Kee Keema and Meena? Btw I'm halfway through the book and it's pretty different from the movie. Looking forward to the next chapter!

Wow. This is really interesting. I like it! It's too bad that there isn't really anyone writing for Brave Story. I mean I just watched the movie and the characters are so adorable. By the way you've read the book right? I'm guessing you have, but is it all that different from the movie? Anyway, I hope you update soon!

It's so great to finally read some fanfiction on Brave Story! I can't wait for you to update- this is excellent!