|Reviews for My Phone Fear|
| Ariel 3/3/08 . chapter 1
in Spanish please
| Irresistible Apple 1/26/08 . chapter 1
I really liked it.I love Watch,and I think you did a good job on him.
| 23lilly 10/6/07 . chapter 1
enjoyed seeing his perspective good job
| Raving Adelaide 10/4/07 . chapter 1
Man! I loved this! Oh, it broke my heart. And I'm not joking. The commentary on Adam was good and I think Watch would look at him like that - so bluntly. Just a few non-plot related things:
1. "It’s just how I am, and you know I've tried to change.
Obviously, not enough."
For some reason the "Obviously, not enough" kind of makes the reader pause... I don't know why... I think it's the comma and possibly combined with wondering if he means he hasn't tried enough or if he's tried, but hasn't changed enough. I don't know if I'm making sense, and that generally means this isn't a big deal and I'm just being weird.
2. "So I simply said, 'You know he’s watching and listening to us.'" I think "said," should be "said:"
3. "'Maybe you should be.' Adam mimicked." I just liked that for it's slight subtlety.
4. "Adam grabbed my arm and stared at me, his eyes were burning with a desperation to do good, to protect everything he held dear. But there was confusion also, because I appeared to be stopping him from doing those things, and I couldn’t tell him why."
SO good. I like how you brought in the hero thing again.
5. "But I couldn't let it get to me, soon he would know the truth. " This is actually two different sentences because they're not connected with an "and" or whatever. A dash instead of the comma would suffice.
6. "Now it's nearly over, and I'm exhausted, but I still can't sleep. If only I was able tell them. But it’s just too dangerous. There is so much at stake, and it’s all more important than us. I hope they can understand, but the only way I could do this was alone."
This reads too choppily. I think if you subtract a comma or two and connect two sentences to make one or something it would read better.
Again, I l.o.v.e.d. this! Like it actually brought tears to my eyes (and I'm not the sappy sort). I am so inspired to write now. Like it doesn't even need to be Spooksville I just- oh so good.
And poor, poor Watch. I forgot how much I hated "Phone Fear" because of the lack of trust for him. I'm so urked.