Wow, great story! I like how this story started... but it's a shame that you seem to have abandoned it.

more please make more ^_^

Very nice. I like the way how you know so much about live in japan; adds more depth to the story and a lot of atmosphere. Please continue

Great fic, good style.
Any pairings besides KonoSetsu?
Keep it up

LOL! cool! can't wait for the next chapter! lol! if they're gonna play with the birdie again, i wonder if konochan will get hit on the head and secchan has to kiss her on the forehead? lol! anyways, UPDATE SOON!! XDD i'll be waiting~~

~animeaics

It's obvious you have a lot of fun writing this, and the feeling is contagious.

Keep up the good work.

~ Cytrus

Yay, a new update! I'm glad you were able to continue this. Hehe, so Konoka does make mistakes while healing people? Or is it just with her Secchan? And are they really mistakes, accidentally stripping your friend down to her underwear? Hmm, Konoka is quite the sneaky one. Anyways! I want to say that I loved this chapter and cannot wait for the next one! Thanks for posting this up!

LOL. Did you like do a major edit on Chapter 1? Looks very different. And it was even better to read XD

Wow this chapter was well written. I don't know why but I can imagine everything that you're writing here and it feel great to be having like a "mini-movie" in my mind. Oh man, they're so cute together *3* Especially the last part where Setsuna wants to see Konoka's bright smile again. I was like "AW XD"

Not bad at all. I'm looking forward to where this story might be headed so it's going into my favorites. Your explanation and development of Setsuna's character was well done, by the way. The fact that she isn't all 'Emo' from her childhood experiences and still functions as an individual with a wide range of emotions attributes a great deal to her dimension in this story.

Looking forward to your next chapter.

wow, what a great story. you're right, not a lot of stories about setsuna's past, i'm glad you posted this up. personally, i think you should continue this, but that's just my opinion. thanks for the great story and i hope you decide to go on with this story.

this fic is very well written! there are very few fics about their past and you have written it very well. hm, this fic seems to be good for a one-shot, though it seems that it would also be good for a chapter story as well. So even if you left this as a one-shot, it is still a great story! But if you do continue it, i'll be here reading! XDD

i was just randomly browsing through my email inbox when i re-read the review you left on A Blend of Blood, and i realised that i hadnt yet reviewed on your ficcy! im really sorry, i have a memory like a seive.
i really liked it - the battle scene was nicely done (i myself am rubbish at battle scenes so it was nice to read a good one) and i love the way Konoka immediately recognises that Secchan isn't a 'present'.
I'd like to see more of it, but in the end it is your decision ^_^

Since you were kind enough to review my work, it seems only good manners to return the favour. :)

In general terms, this story is nice either as a oneshot or as a first episode. As a oneshot it's fine - the plot is nicely self-contained, especially since we know more or less what happens in between Konoka and Setsuna meeting and whatever point the manga is currently at. On the other hand, if you want to continue, there's plenty of scope. We know little enough about the specifics of Konoka and Setsuna's early life together, and there's plenty of nice stuff that could be explored. In the end, it's up to you. If you find it interesting, go for it. :)

General notes - I like the characterisation very much. Young Konoka is nicely in character, as are all the adult or nearly-adult characters. Tsuruko is a favourite of mine too, so it's always nice to see her written well, which you definitely achieve. Setsuna herself is different from the character we see in the manga, but I don't see that as a problem. The point of your oneshot (I imagine this would change if you continue on to write a longer story, but that's a different point) seems to be Setsuna's change into the person we know, so obviously she is going to start out differently.

Your writing is smooth and competent, and there's a good sense of place and movement, especially in the choice of scene changes. On the whole you establish and use perspective well, so we always know whose thoughts we're looking at in any given situation. The plot is straightforward, but well-realised. You don't expect too many twists in a single chapter, after all... :)

Ok, now for the constructive criticism. Hopefully constructive, in any case...

Keep an eye on your tenses. This is more than a sniffy grammar point, since it can make a difference to understanding what's going on. Especially at the beginning, and when you venture into people's direct thoughts, you have a habit of slipping out of the past and into the present tense.

Your action scenes were good on the whole, but towards the end of Tsuruko's fight to free Setsuna I think there was a general loss of a sense of what was going on where. We knew that Tsuruko was fighting, but it wasn't clear quite how many enemies she was fighting, or where they were. We could have done with a little more in the way of situation description. When I write action scenes I try to plan and choreograph them to get a better handle on what's physically possible and where the dangers are likely to be coming from - I don't know if that would work for you, but it's a suggestion. :)

Finally, some of your sentences were a bit overloaded with description, which made them clunkier than they needed to be. An example:

"In the blurry haze of what had become of the great plains on which the crow demons dwelled, the representatives of the Kansai Magic Association and the Shinmeiryuu could hardly tell the difference between their surroundings from yesterday and this present moment despite that they had been walking almost non-stop through a 24 hours span."

That's an awful lot of information for one sentence, and that makes it correspondingly hard to process. Shorter sentences that break down the information into bite-size chunks might be useful in situations like this. I understand that you were going for a lyrical feel, but that can be achieved through word-choice and selective description rather than pure information.

That's about it. Good story - nice look at Setsuna's past and the conditions of her first meeting with Konoka, with good perspective details on both sides. Hope to read more Negima fics from you, and I'll keep an eye on whether you decide to continue this one. Happy writing!

Awesomeness. Not enough Konoka/Setsuna fics of them as children. I know little of Negima, except for the series that aired on TV. When I saw Setsuna, I immediately thought "she wants her." Then I started wondering just why Setsuna was so dedicated to her "Ojou-sama." This story does a good job of explaining that.

That was really good!! I think that you should try to keep going with it. I know that sometimes it can be hard to find ideas to keep a story going, and with other aspects of your life weighing on your mind, it's even harder. Don't forget, it's up to YOU if you want to keep going. Not us. Again, great story.


Kono/Setsu 4 ever!! - nanaimoanimefan.