For your first try, it wasn't that bad. I think you have an interesting concept, and lots of potential. However, I would highly recommend reading over your work to check for errors, I found so much that is really distracts from your plotline. A beta reader (someone to go over your work and proof it for errors) would defintely benefit you at this point.

If you want more input, you should probably write a story outside of Dino Crisis. There's not many people around here anymore, which is sad because DC was such a great game.

If you have any questions, feel free to ask me. This wasn't bad for a first try, but there's definitely room to improve!

Hello all you readers of my story! I am so grateful you have you
submitted. It means a lot to someone when somebody reviews there very first fan fiction. Thank you again.

Until Next Time