Reviews for There's No I In Team

Reviews For: There's No I In Team - Reviews: Page 1 of 3

Razer Athane 2008-05-08 ch 8,	abuseNice to see Jin and Hwoarang cooperating and not tearing each other's heads off. Keep it up Dynasty.
Demon's bliss 2008-05-07 ch 8,	abuseDamn...this was for real huh? you werent lying to me when you told me that it'd touch my heart. I love that type of bond being displayed.
Razer Athane 2008-04-16 ch 7,	abuseAs I promised, I FINALLY started reading this XD Not a fan of basketball... I haven't watched any matches or anything so I'm finding it difficult to follow at some points, I don't know too much about the rules and stuff, but I think I'm doing okay XD. I'm more of a netball person so blah! Any who. This last chapter right here was awesome, I loved it. You definitely picked a unique field, because like you said, not many people do sport stories for Tekken. I'm really liking this buddy, so keep it up, alright? Make this story into something that can be put to memory, because its so freaking unique. Keep changing Tekken :P
Thunderxtw 2008-04-03 ch 7,	abuseGotta agree with the others. I liked the drama you put in this chapter. You pulled it off nicely with Kazuya fearing his team's weaknesses would exploited, and mentioning how Hwoarang met Baek, their closeness, and how he shoots every shot for his mentor was great too. “Fine I won't tell him to shut the up...I'll tell you to shut the up!" LOL. I loved that line. Had me cracking up. Still, there's the tense shifts. Remember, you're in past tense. Most of the "is's" should be "was" or "were". Here are some examples. [The coach is surprise that the two is not combining their scoring ability against other teams] [The coach "was" "surprised" that the two "were" not combining their scoring ability against other teams] [Hes just too damn hard-headed you know] ["He's" just too damn hard-headed you know] [Jin sighed and rolled his eyes, he figure his wife would bring Hwoarang up] [Jin sighed and rolled his eyes. He "figured" his wife would bring Hwoarang up] [The team bus arrived at the arena where they will play the Demons in a couple of hours] [The team bus arrived at the arena where they "would" play the Demons in a couple of hours] [Without Jin out there defending Inuyasha, the Talons have no chance of keeping the lead going into the half] [Without Jin out there defending Inuyasha, the Talons "had" no chance of keeping the lead going into the half] [He felt bad about what happen between him and Hwoarang earlier] [He felt bad about what "happened" between him and Hwoarang earlier] [The referee blew his whistle and Jin was shock that he was call for a foul] [The referee blew his whistle and Jin was "shocked" that he was "called" for a foul] ["The doctors say that Baek has a 50/50 chance of surviving”] Best to write 50/50 or any other numbers in word form, as in "fifty-fifty" Other than that, I can tell the story's getting better and you're really into it. Take care.
Sage Pagan 2008-04-01 ch 7, anon.	abuseI vote Cloud Strife for MVP 'cause he's sexy. GO STRIFE! Either that or Hayabusa, 'cause he's also sexy. And a ninja. Hehe. Or maybe Sephiroth for his long hair...meh. It's between Ryu and Cloud. Anyways. This chapter was good, better than the previous ones. I like how you incorporated some more drama into this, but it had a nice mix of basketball too. Hopefully Baek will get better so that Hwoa doesn't get too distracted on the court.
Ninnis 2008-03-29 ch 7,	abuseMy fav chapter! more drama, less basket ball! Great going! keep it up!
teeju 2008-03-28 ch 7,	abuseThis story just keeps getting better and better! Very interesting! Keep up the great work!
Demon's bliss 2008-03-28 ch 7,	abuse0_0... Damn the drama in this story. I was all close to the screen Boi I'm going to be looking for more of that in the next chapter. I guess that Sasuke Uchiha should be the MVP.
Sage (again) 2008-03-08 ch 2, anon.	abuseDude, I just looked at your other reviews and like, Thunderxtw already gave you a tutorial on tense shifts, and a way more thorough, detailed one at that. Listen to him too; you don't have to rely on me all the time. He and I have the same things to say.
Sage 2008-03-08 ch 5, anon.	abuseOk. So you want me to teach you about tense shifts. Here we go: One example from your fic: "Hwoarang took a sip of his fruit punch Gatorade as he watch his coach address the team about the upcoming game tomorrow against the Extremes. Hwoarang hasn't been involve in the team practices since he knows that Kazyua will not let him start in any of his games. Hwoarang guesses that he won't be able to get any burn coming off the bench tomorrow." Your story, I have noticed, is mainly in the past tense, so try and keep it that way. Past means it already happened. An example of this is: "I walked to school" (action already happened) versus "I walk to school" which is without the ending "ed" sound, meaning the action is happening or continues to happen. In your paragraph up there, Hwoarang TOOK a sip of his drink, which is past tense. Thus, everything else should be in past tense: "...Hwoarang HADN'T been involved in the team practices since he KNEW that Kazuya WOULD not let him start any of his games. Hwoarang GUESSED that he WOULDN'T be able to..." Kinda get it? It goes the same for present tense, which means events are occurring RIGHT NOW. So it could be "Hwoarang TAKES a sip of his drink...Hwoarang HASN'T been involved in the team practices since he KNOWS that Kaz WILL not let him...Hwoarang GUESSES that he WILL..." blah blah blah. I hope that helps. It's really tedious and nitpicky, but once you practice it more in your writing, it should become second nature. We'll work on grammar some other time ;D ~Sun
Ninnis 2008-03-07 ch 6,	abuseNice last name you gave to Hwoarang! your writing is improving; I didn't found a mistake! the story is awesome as long as there is no tree-hugger! “Thats was no charge ref! He ran into my elbow!” Hwoarang argued the call. hahaha! love dat one! Keep it up!
Sage 2008-03-03 ch 6, anon.	abuseI see you've incorporated some Naruto and DOA in this thing. Interesting. Very action-packed and intense in the game scenes. But still...your grammar and tense shifts. It's improving some, but some parts are hard to get through. GRAMMAR. TENSE SHIFTS. GWAR!... And you're absolutely right. The Tekken section SUCKS. All these Xiaoyins and the latest fad, Xiao/Hwoa, stupid plotlines, people trying to be all original when it's just lame-**, bad writing...yeah. Anywayas, happy writing. Update "Report Card" please?
Thunderxtw 2008-02-27 ch 6,	abuseHey Dynasty. I see you're still keeping up with your story. Reading this again has made me feel like I misread some parts, or maybe it's just me. I see you're incorporating characters from other franchises into this too, like Naruto and such. Anywho, there's still some typos and tense shifts here and there. Other than that, I await your next chapter. This review would be longer but it's late here and I'm kinda tired. Later.
teeju 2008-02-24 ch 6,	abuseYay an update! The way you describe the story is great! The language you use, it's like I'm actually watching the game. I was like at the edge of my chair when it was tied, lol.
Demon's bliss 2008-02-24 ch 6,	abuseDynasty Dynasty you keep suprising me huh? haha. I actually understood most of this chapter and I enjoyed it. I guess you could say I was into the game. Mew Rin suggested the Sasuke thing huh? Nice. Anyway...keep up the great work. Also your getting better with the tenses.

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