wonderful please update and good luck thanks again until next time.

ps: if you have some time please try to read and review the four stories that are on the second review please? best of luck with the story.

hi awesome story and chapter please update. do you or your friends like to draw? can you or some of your friends please try to draw your OC and some scences from the story? do you like making videos on youtube dot com? if you have time can you or some friends please try to make a fanfic trailer of your story? please? you don't have to if you don't want to. is it a good or a bad idea? please e-mail me when you put the next chapter up. thanks and good luck. please keep on updating and thanks again.

ps:hello, how are you doing? sorry to bother you but if you have some time can you please read and review these matantei loki ragnarok, drakengard, vampire knight, fullmetal alchemist stories? you don't have to if you don't want to. please try thanks and good luck. if you are asking why i am asking you to read these four stories is because i am trying to help these stories and some other stories get reviews. you know what they say on fanfiction dot net that authers get motivated by reviews to keep on continuing with their stories. please read and review these four stories please? thanks and best of luck. here is the tittles, summaries and the authers. all of these stories are found in fanfiction dot net. if you don't know what matantei loki ragnarok, drakengard, vampire night, fullmetal alchemist is about please go to wikipedia dot org.

1:Timeless By:Karin Ochibi-chan reviews
AU Loki/Spica- Dreams can unlock the deepest of memories. Even ones from another life. When Spica begins to dream of memories that she's never had but yet are familiar, what does it have to do with the strange child detective and his family? Threeshot
Matantei Loki Ragnarok - Rated: T - English - Romance/Fantasy - Chapters: 1 - Words: 6,504 - Reviews: 13 - Published: 3-15-09 - Loki & Spica

2:The Empire's Wings By:MissxRiddle » reviews
An ex-Soldier of the Empire finds herself in a dramatic situation with Caim after she loses everything she ever knew. CaimxOc Pairing.
Drakengard - Rated: T - English - Drama/Romance - Chapters: 2 - Words: 2,404 - Reviews: 11 - Updated: 6-16-08 - Published: 6-14-08

3:Ake ni Somaru By:eCaiSme.hOneyBee » reviews
The Ancient was once a powerful group of vampire of great number. They are the ancestor of all vampire and the first decendant. What secrets does one of this great being hold? What terror shall she bring with her? KxOC
Vampire Knight - Rated: T - English - Romance/General - Chapters: 9 - Words: 43,099 - Reviews: 80 - Updated: 7-6-09 - Published: 1-2-09 - Kaname

4:Differences Made By:alchemichelper101 » reviews
With her unusual visions and burning determination, a girl managed to get herself into the world of the Elric brothers, Shambala. All she wanted was to stop their human alchemy, to save them from a horrible fate she saw...EdXWin AlXOC betareading going on
Fullmetal Alchemist - Rated: T - English - Adventure/Romance - Chapters: 17 - Words: 72,858 - Reviews: 73 - Updated: 5-15-09 - Published: 1-5-08 - Edward E. & Alphonse E.

This was a really entertaining Fanfic. I did get a little confused about who was saying what at sometimes, though. Do you plan to up-date?

this is an awesome story and it deserves more reviews so i shall give them, update soon!

I noticed some strange things in your fan fiction.
1) Hei seems very OOC to me. In the anime they made a pretty clear point as to Hei never wants to kill anyone-so why is he smiling in the process of doing it? Also, why doesn't he erase her memory of the event like he has throughout the entire original series so far? And is it just me, or is Hei suffering from a case of the Mary-Sues?
2) Your sentence structure is nice. However, it feels like you try to cram too much detail into one sentence. I notice that a majority of your sentences have commas, but no real reason as to why the details themselves should be separated like that every time. I know you want to create an air of suspense, but it is quite overused.
3) Lisa mentions that the contractors follow her everywhere, but how is it that she has survived so far?
4) You mention Hei coughing up blood and having broken ribs quite often, but wouldn't he feel the pain once he moved to sit up or lean against Lisa? You mention that he finally feels it once he stands up, but why not before? Also, coughing up blood would imply an internal wound. The most plausible case I can think of is a punctured lung since he has broken ribs. If that's the case, shouldn't he be suffocating to death as his lungs fill with fluid? And I'm not sure if you have ever had a broken rib, but he's dealing with it quite well to be walking down stairs and sliding in and out of cars.
5) Mao seems OOC as well, he sounds like a jealous housewife. XD
6) Normally, I would assume someone who was being chased by a multitude of dangerous men would have a bit of a sense of danger. But when Huang shows up, she thinks that there is no reason not to trust him. Shouldn't she be cautious... at all?
7) Such nice acquaintances Hei has! No need for medical attention or a helping hand to get him in the car and out of the car. Is he just brimming with manliness like never before, or is this extremely unrealistic?

Well, there isn't too much that I find wrong with chapter 1. I just wanted to point some things out so you can avoid them in the future.

I didn't have any problems with the length. What I did have problems with was following some of the dialogue -- who says what at various points.
I realise Hei is overflowing with hotness but wow, another addition to the Hei harem... ;)
I am really enjoying the X-men/scifi elements.

I love it!! its like an arc of the real series!! and i dont think that Hei is OOC, i think that this story could happend after Huang`s arc, so, in that point, Hei was more human.
I will wait for more of this story!! greetings

Aww, it's all right that this chapter was short. It flowed nicely, and was quite funny at times. It's interesting that Lisa can both put people at ease with her presence as well as make them a bit tense (Mao for example). I rather like her character; she's quite down to earth despite her circumstance.

Can't wait to read more!

Wayra

Nee-chan, it's Tu ES mechant

wicked please update its very cool so far and it is written very well

I'm so glad you're trying to bring life to his small fandom. You did a good job. Your character Lisa is very mysterious. I would love to see more about her. Update soon!

You demonstrate a vivid sense of place and are able to evoke strong emotions. Furthermore, you seem at ease with describing action sequences, which is certainly important in this particular story.
I look forward to more from you.

Awesome possum, this story seems intriguing. The only thing that confuses me is why Lisa is so close to Hei? I suppose however all that will be explained. I don't know why, but the whole relationship between Lisa and Hei reminds me of the one with Cheza and Kiba in Wolf's Rain. LoL, I'm such a nerd. xD

Anyway, I'll be keeping track of this.

OH! One more thing, about the numbers...you don't have to write them out as words. When Hei said his apartment number, all you had to do was put, well, the number. Writing the numbers out as words is usually reserved for things like, "I bought two rabbits." Instead of, "I bought 2 rabbits." I hope I made sense...because I suck at explaining just about anything.

Wayra

O.k, yes, i like it! i like the catalizador thing, she is like a meteor fragment... nice idea.
I want to know more! poor Hei, he is in pain... please, give us more!!

Nee-chan, you do realize an explination for why Lisa is so *searching for correct wording that can be typed* "mushy" towards Hei is in order?