I'm assuming this is the story you wanted me to beta? Well, you have a great start! There is a lot of potential here, and I think your chapters can be expanded easily. If you have a plot outline or something, that would help a lot. Keep it up! :D

I think the idea of what you want to write is pretty clear in your head, but not on paper. You need to decide on what point of view to use (first you write on third person, than you changed to first). If you don't, the readers gets confused and doesn't follow the story.

Also, be careful about how you use the lyrics. It is a bit confusing when put in the middle of the chapter. If this is not a song fic or if the character is not singing them, they should be before the name of the chapter, as to just state the mood or theme of it.

Hope this helps to improve your first fic :) Keep writing!

No way! Sirius is getting released!? Sweet! WooHoo! Go Sirius, go Sirius! Woo!

This was excellent Mandy. I love how you managed to keep the characters in character! It's hard to display characters without breaking some of their traits but you managed to pull it off!

I await the next installment!

-Mia

Yep - not bad at all. Make sure you check your spelling - I noticed a few errors and try to separate and punctuate your work more accordingly. ^^ But overall not bad at all :P