very deep. i liked it!

I liked this alot, but my reasons are personal. See, I am a virgin (unpublished) writer with a pet plot I've been worring at like an old dog on an older bone for several years now. my main protagonist is heir to a magical kingdom torn by civil war in the wake of his grandfather's betrayal and apparent demise. he has been raised secretly by his mother's chief guardian in martial art techniques normally forbidden to men... and he enherits a cursed sword sooner than expected and is cast into convoluted politics amid a war while trying to master the malignant spirit embodied in the weapon even as it tries to master him! My character is kind of like Elric of Melnibone-meets-King Arthur-with a little Aragorn; but also he's like none of them. His conflicts are human but he is not. Your poem reminds me of the black sword.

... Whoa. That's teh "W00TNESS" in my book.

Great poem! This is form Dark's POV, right? I absloutely enjoyed all of it! Your way of words and rhyming is quite impressive! Keep on writing! I hope to read more of your work!

er...hmm, this is very good, but if I was to be perfectly honest, I would have to tell you that I have not got a clue what the hell you're on about!!
I think it's something to do with Dark Jak, and him regretting murder-lising all those people, but i am not entirely sure. Which brings me onto another point, why, WHY O WHY O WHY, did Jak not kill Erol in Keira's garage when he had the chance? it would have saved SO much time and effort in Jak 3. I mean, come on, it's not like it would affect his conscience, he is, after all, a homicidal raving lunatic!

and they tell me I'm intelligent...

Not bad, not bad, the content is there, but your rhythm definitly needs work. You've got some small words that don't nessesarily need to be in there. Like when you're ryhming "Dark side enhance" instead of "Goes to slash around in a limited and quick dance" you could take a couple words out so it fits together better, and make it more like 'Goes to slash in a limited, quick dance'. If you made little tweaks like that the poem would go smoother.

The only reason I gave you a critique was because we just finished a poetry unit at school and all of the advice I was given is still fresh in my mind. Otherwise I probably wouldn't have.

Wow its looks like that got to be Jak's POV. I never seen Jak's darkness in poetry before! well done!