Beautiful.
that is all.
oh plus i love it :)
Love XxHDM fan 4LifexX

A very good story. I don't think that you gave anything away, and I love how you showed that Asrial doesen't really belive in God even then, as upposed to maybe just getting rid of his belief shortly before the beging of GC/NL. Keep writing!

maschan

You did a great job with this short little scene.

You managed to capture the ambivalence and fine, ambiguous nuances of the situation very well, managing to portray the relationship between Marisa and Lord Asriel in a very realistic manner.

The only criticism I have is the setting of the story. It seems so unlikely that two people such as these would seek solace in a church.

Great job!


-Lyndon Eye

I wish things could be different for these two...I liked your story, I'm glad you're writing for them because you get them right, not everyone does.

wow, this is the first HDM story that I really loved. you did an excellent job of showing their love and vulnerability without making them seem out of character. wonderful job. I would love to see you do a Lyra/Mrs. Coulter story. It would be so interestinh to read the books from Mrs. Coulters point of view as she slowly becomes a mother/human again. She does some pretty horrible things (kidnapping lyra and the other children) but I honestly think she really did love lyra by the end of the novels. I so want to read a story that shows how that change happens. Anyway, wonderful story, I hope to read more from you in this fandom.

You did great! I love this story.

This was very beautifully done. Both Asriel and Marisa are in character - you did manage to show the ruthless sides of their nature, yet this is tempered by their regard for each other. The details and subtlety in your writing, especially in the depiction of the daemons, is also very good.

You do them so well! I love how you've shown that they care so much for each other, and yet so little for everyone else, including Lyra. And the fact that it was in present tense just made it even better!

--kyra

"I will," Asriel says softly, his eyes boring into her, "If anything is wrong, I'll fix it."

That is one of the best lines in this oneshot. I think that what you wanted to convey came across very well.

Lovely oneshot, we don't get a lot of them on here :P

Going on my favorites *checks off box*

Ooh! This is such a beautifully written story! I've never seen many Marisa/Asriel fics out there and this was well done. You got Asriel's contempt of the Church and Marisa's wavering faith in it very well. The interaction between the daemons was good, but I felt something was missing there. Maybe some more emotions between them would help.

Now I really am going to see if you've written any other fic.

Thanks for the good read!

aw so sweet! I also agree with fbi-woman: we need more mc/la fics, u shuld write more...hehe

I liked it, good job. There's not enough Marisa/Asriel stories out there. I think you should write some more of them hehehe.