Reviews for Don't Say the 'B' Word

Reviews For: Don't Say the 'B' Word - Reviews: Page 1 of 2

Hephzibah Valour 2008-04-04 ch 2,	abusehahaa, aww! i really like this! its so cute(: update soon please!
JACk Sparrow's Rum 2008-02-29 ch 2,	abuseAwesome :)
ScarletLuna 2008-02-11 ch 2,	abuseWhat a great story. I hope you update soon because I am loving your Bill & Fleur storyline.
Mary Gooby 2008-01-27 ch 2,	abuseOh, I love this chapter! I'm so glad you updated, this story is absolutely amazing!
AmazingBouncingFerret445 2008-01-26 ch 2,	abusee! cuteness! there really arent enough good bill/fleur fic out there. cant wait for the next chapter!
Ron Lover6789 2008-01-23 ch 2,	abusegiggles Oh Fleur. She's such a brat...but an interesting one at that. Great story! Kept me interested. I've never read a story that was centered around the development of Bill and Fleur's relationship. Great idea. Update soon, I shall definitely read!
Skysong 2008-01-22 ch 2,	abuseLol, great chapter, loved the spinach reference at the end . . . he he he poor Bill!
GoddessofYouth 2008-01-20 ch 2,	abuseExcellent Story.
laura-csm 2008-01-20 ch 2,	abuseThank you so much for updating! I really had liked the first chapter and was sad when you hadn't updated!
peachpaige 2008-01-12 ch 1,	abuseAw, I very much liked this. Are you going to continue?
Mary Gooby 2007-11-19 ch 1,	abuseOh my gosh, I love it! It's so good!! Yay!! Please continue!!
Bad Mum 2007-11-13 ch 1,	abuseThat was sweet!
unique.normality 2007-11-05 ch 1,	abuseI never thought of a Bill and Fluer fanfic before: awesome Very good writing ^.^
Rayless Night 2007-10-30 ch 1,	abuseVery nice writing here. Your skill with dialogue especially impresses me - it's natural and interesting. Your scenes are developed well, and you transition nicely from point to point. Best of all, everyone's wonderfully in-character. In all, you're not one of those authors whom I can fault for not knowing how to put a good story together... which means I have to nitpick you in my critique. Concrit: 1. Grammar check: You have several grammar problems; your writing is strong, but it looks bad when the grammar's messy. 2. Your timeline's way off. Fleur begins working at Gringotts in the summer of 1995 - right after the tournament (we know this based on what the twins say about her in OotP); therefore, the tournament wouldn't be "a few years ago" but a few weeks ago. This argues that Fleur, who eyed Bill very closely at the third task, would quickly recognize him. Also, it's more likely that the Weasleys are living at Grimmauld Place by now, not the Burrow. 3. I love how you open the story with the workers' perception of Fleur; what I wish you'd addressed was why Fleur chose to work at a bank. Trust me, it's not a fun job, and I've always wondered why the fussy part-Veela chose it. 4. Occasionally you slip out of Bill's point of view into Fleur's - "She gagged as the overwhelming smell of whiskey filled her lungs." I put part of it between asterisks to so where the story would have to be from her viewpoint - Bill wouldn't be aware of what she's directly feeling. In a short story like this, it's important to maintain the correct viewpoint. You could fix this just by rewording the sentence - something like "She gagged as the drunk breathed into her face" would work. The line "Miss Delacour did not look up at him, being too embarrassed from her encounter with the drunk." has exactly the same problem. Bill would only know she looked embarrassed, probably from her encounter with the drunk. He'd have to assume things, not know them directly. 5. Partway through, Fleur loses her accent. I know, I know, it's a pain to write, but it's part of her character. 6. I don't know if you've taken a second language, but it would be extremely difficult to double your vocab in a couple hours. You can be exposed to that much vocab in couple hours, sure, but to actually memorize it and integrate it into your own vocab - no. She'd have to have some genius for language to accomplish that, especially with a language as difficult as English. See? Nitpicks? This is what I'm reduced to. Still, they're important to mention because in short stories, ever little mistake looks much bigger. I don't see a Complete on this story, which is nice because I'd love to read more. Even so, this stands well on its own as a story. Excellent work.
laura-csm 2007-10-29 ch 1,	abuseWhat a good idea! I don't think I've read a Fleur/Bill fic before, but I can tell that this is a great one! Awesome job.

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