its short but shorts good. i like the mystery at the beginning.u may hav a good story going,so plz KEEP WRITING!

A good first chapter, you had me wondering why the park is empty. Would you be offeneded if I advised you on some improvements you could make?

You clearly showed me what was happening, and I liked the way you had the Demon Headmaster's words echoing in Dinah's , maybe if you wrote more about how Dinah felt as she entered the park and saw it empty, saying how creepy the emptiness makes it. I also think you could have made it a bit longer. It is clear Dinah can't stop thinking about the Demon Headmaster, maybe you could mention what her last encounter with him was like?

Anyway, a good start and I hope you write more! _

RedDragon30