Reviews for The Legend of Zelda: Hylian Rising

Reviews For: The Legend of Zelda: Hylian Rising

Luiz4200 2008-08-04 ch 7,	abuseGood filler. Please update.
Luiz4200 2008-07-04 ch 6,	abuseGood battle. Please update.
xbluxmoonx 2008-04-13 ch 5,	abusehey not bad. your grammar is improving, and i'd love to see more detail as the chapters continue. sorry that this is such a late review, but procrastination and being busy keeps me from looking at many stories on here or on fictionpress. lol. anyway, can't wait for the next update. =]
Luiz4200 2008-04-01 ch 5,	abuseHow long until Link's son is double-crossed?
Luiz4200 2008-01-04 ch 4,	abuseI hope there's a battle in the next chapter. Please update.
Alaia Skyhawk 2007-12-31 ch 1,	abuseI got your PMs so decided to look at your profile. The only section you write in that I'm into was the Zelda one, so then took a look at this fic. It's a nice idea, and it will be interesting to see where you take it, but there are a few things that could be improved. Don't take this as a flame, I'm only pointing things out so you can learn from them. Firstly your use of 'name:' to show who is speaking. That's script format, which is against the site rules. You need to change that because if a moderator sees that in your fic they'll remove it. If you want different ways to show who is speaking, take a look at how I do it in my fics. You'll notice I almost never use '(name) said', but rather '(name) (descriptive action) (person/thing action directed at)'. This gives you a huge variation of ways to show who is speaking, and fill out the 'feel' of a scene at the same time. That leads me to my second point. Your use of descriptions is none existent, with practically nothing to set a scene or give a scene atmosphere. Right now the characters could be having a conversation in the middle of a void for all the readers can tell. My suggestion is this, describe what you see in your mind when you picture the events. Where are the characters? What are they doing? Are they happy, upset, angry? Has something bad just happened, something good? If so how would that affect the 'feel' of the scene? How would you describe things so that the reader picks up on that 'feeling'? Think about these things and add that detail to your scenes and you'll find the number of readers you draw in to read your story will increase. Thirdly, the events seem very rushed. You mentioned Ganondorf's invasion, Link defeating him, link and Zelda marrying, Ganondorf coming back and stealing the Triforce, and his banishing them to some distant place in about two, to two-hundred-fifty words. Right there you have the potencial for a prologue chapter(summarise invation, defeat), that could lead into a marriage scene chapter(Link could have been crowned King, something you didn't mention that would make a scene all on its own), that could then lead into a chapter where all seems like a normal day, but at the end of which some kind of dark omen (you could always use Zelda's 'dark clouds' from her OoT vision) heralding the sudden evil laughter of Ganondorf echoing over the land gloating that their foolish lack of care (guarding the Triforce) has let him obtain it. He could then monologue a bit before actually banishing Link and Zelda. You can probably pick up already the 'feel' of what that scene would be like. Sudden darkness, a chill running through the air, as a disembodied voice spells doom over the land. Put it like that and you can make your readers shiver with dread, something guaranteed to get them coming back for more as they pester you with reviews begging you to 'update soon or I'll die of suspence'. This leads me to my fourth comment. Use descriptions of your characters to make the readers empathise with them. Get the readers feeling the dread, the fear, of the dark times, the happiness, the elation, of the good times, and get them crying at the sad times. If you do that your story will come to life for them in a way that will have them reading because they genuinly want to know what will happen, regardless of whether it's bad or good. That's my tip, take the 'characters', and turn them into 'people', with feelings and opinions that help the readers to understand their perspective of what is going on. My last point is a very general one... You need to spellcheck your chapters before you post them, and proof read them as well. One really persistent mistake I saw was a misspelling of 'Ganondorf', you repeatedly put 'Ganondarf' (though I admit my unconcious rhyming of that with 'barf' had me laughing. With a face that colour he looks like he could barf at any time). Secondly you keep using the wrong version of certain words. Here's an example. At that time there was a princess who rule the kingdom name Zelda. The proper words and grammar are this. At that time there was a princess who 'ruled' the kingdom,(missed comma) 'named' Zelda. You can see the difference. Proof reading and spellchecking should sort that out. Well, I hope my coments and tips help you out. I'll keep an eye on your story to see how it goes. Happy writing :D Alaia Skyhawk
xbluxmoonx 2007-12-30 ch 4,	abusewell, the plot is pretty good, really. you just need to work on grammar and spelling and more detail. and i'm guessing from the anono review that english isn't your first language, yes? well, that's allright. i think if you keep writing daily, practicing verb agreement you'll do better. try checking out sites online that could help. i'm sure if you google it there are some pointers here and there to portray in your writing. so keep writing and follow everyone's advice. =]
little-akamaru 2007-12-21 ch 3,	abusecool stoy so far
Spiritual Stone 2007-12-06 ch 1,	abuseNice idea but in serious need of a beta.
Luiz4200 2007-12-06 ch 3,	abuseI guess this trick should be expected but it surprised me anyway. Please update.
2007-12-03 ch 2, anon.	abuseHi, I got your message, nice to meet you as well. I'm assuming that Egnlish is your second language, hablaste español por primero? Haha, I don't speak Spanish too well anyway. Well, I like your idea so far. You did a good job setting up the opening plot ideas. However, I'd like to see some more character development and maybe some more descriptions of the setting and characters. Also, you should watch out for verb agreement. I notice that you're using the present tense to talk in the past a lot. But over all, good start and I like where you're headed.
Luiz4200 2007-11-29 ch 2,	abuseHylis is going to defeat Ganondorf, I hope. Please update.
Luiz4200 2007-11-03 ch 1,	abuseSince there's two triforces and this fic only mentioned one of them Hylian would get the other one and with it and the sword defeat Ganondorf. I only know The Legend of Zelda by the cartoon version. If you want video-game related ideas I can't help you. Please update.

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