Reviews for Ghost - FanFiction.Net

Reviews For: Ghost

Darren White 2007-12-23 ch 5,	abuseMUCH better! Not really in my niche as far as plot goes, but your writing has vastly improved since my first review. Nice to see someone on this site who takes constructive criticism seriously. Real good onya, mate. Very nice. -Darren White
Goldenfightergirl 2007-11-23 ch 3,	abuseNo! What happen next!? What happen next!?
nohaydeque 2007-11-10 ch 2,	abuseEXCELLENT! I can't believe someone is actually doing a GOOD (great, excellent, amazing) SI story. I can beta for you if you want, really, though I don't think you need it that much. Maybe for the tiny errors, sure, but I didn't see many of those. Keep going. If you don't, I'll be forced to dismember you in uncountable ways. -nohaydeque-
Misery's-Toll 2007-11-09 ch 2,	abuseNice story! Stories with original characters never get as much attention as they deserve, sadly. Well, I can't wait to read more! Please update soon! -MT
Darren White 2007-11-05 ch 1,	abuseFirst off, I usually avoid anything that says "not your average X"; this is because, quite simply, the story most likely struggles to maintain an average rating. Fortunately, this is not the case with "Ghost". Either way, I have some constructive criticism to offer you. You need to work on avoiding adverbs. These include seemingly, likely, slowly, quickly, barely, and just about every word ending in "-ly". Adverbs weaken your writing and look sloppy. Try replacing them with strong verbs - as a reader, I want to SEE what the character is doing. Third, be VERY, VERY careful with your original character. Out of this chapter alone, I count five (yes, five) characteristics that could place Charly squarely into the domain of Mary-Sue. These include garb that is out of place for the character's time, ethnicity, or place of residence; "falling" into an already existing world; and an unusual appearance (elbow length hair, unique tattoo, eyes that seem to have depths of experience). I'm not saying to take these out, I'm suggesting that you be careful where you take Charly. Also, go easy on the bolds and italics. I have great vision and an LCD monitor, and it still hurt my eyes to read the first part of "Ghosts". Bold would be okay, but the italics AND bold are a bit much. You might want to do a little coherency check before you post, as well. Fresh blood is warm, not cold, even in the rain; and blood mixed with water isn't sticky, it's as fluid as water is. Also, how would the character with "honey-brown" (a very cliche description, by the way) hair know if his or her hair was stained by blood or not? Parentheses in writing ("The man...stepped in.") are almost exclusively used to add side detail or author's notes, NOT to indicate thoughts. I had to reread the passage just to make sure I didn't miss the letters "A/N". Finally, and I reccomend this to everyone, consider getting a dedicated beta reader. He or she will be able to catch problems you did not, and improve the quality of your story. Another tip is to set your works aside for three days to a week or more before doing your pre-beta edits. Stephen King sets his aside for six months before his PRELIMINARY edits; several days should be no problem whatsoever. "Ghost" has real potential, but it's entirely up to you whether or not it reaches the peak it could. -Darren White
Silverfox3220 2007-11-05 ch 2,	abuseI like it so far ^.^ It's getting pretty good! Can't wait for the next one!

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