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| Takk 2008-05-21 ch 1, anon. | abuseNo offense meant here, but I don't think it fit the characters very well. What time wasn't spent reiterating ideas (nearly word for word) already beaten mercilessly about by dozens of other fanfiction writers, was spent having the two of them engaged in what is honestly a really strange conversation. Really what I'm wondering here is, what person, over the age of fourteen, would use the word "confuzzled" in a serious conversation? When that happened, and also was not immediately followed by any mention of its childishness, I was pretty much ripped violently from the story and it felt like I was watching two kids on a playground. Not in a good way, either. Unfortunately, I am quite one hundred percent certain that this is not, in fact, your word, owing to the number of times I've heard it, and the number of different places I've heard it in, while still having no idea who you are. And also pertinent to the discussion is that I pretty much stopped hearing it when I got older. Honestly, sorry about going on about it really, but there are ways to make a dorky kid word fit in, and it really doesn't work in this one. There are also some occasional grammatical errors, but they didn't really distract me, so I have no quarrel with them, as it were. Anyway, I am being a bit nitpicky, it was altogether not really bad. :) |
| CSIGeekFan 2007-11-04 ch 1,  | abuseThis is good. I like the fact he stole his quote. |
| Grissom1 2007-11-04 ch 1, | abuseI really liked the story. The lyrics were nice and fit well with the story. Thanks for sharing! Now go to bed! |
| jenstog 2007-11-04 ch 1, | abusehey! I like it! I'm not keen on song fics but if they're done right they're good- so good job! One thing that threw me off was a mistype of words when she let grissom in and says “You cans it down you know!” the can and sit are mixed up so it was funny and I had to read 3 times to get it with my slow brain tonight :) Anyways looking foward to more fics! |