|Reviews for The War|
| sevantes 4/16/10 . chapter 6
Wow just wow i really love your story. I can't wait to see where the story goes from here. Keep up thd good work
| littledannyd 1/3/10 . chapter 6
great story, i really can't wait for the other chapters. And you should deffinatly give the samusxridley thing ago it would really enhance the plot and if you get a bit stuck on what to write building the relationship is always a good chapter filler.
| Ten ways to spoil dinner 1/26/09 . chapter 6
Great Chapter. Not much for me to say, because I didn't see many, if any at all, mistakes. Or at least,I didn't see any mistakes that I noticed. Anyway; Update. Soon. Please!
| Ten ways to spoil dinner 1/26/09 . chapter 1
Hello, Talon. I have finally gotten around to reading your metroid fic. Well, I'm reviewing as I go along, so I'll just start.
In your note at the beginning of chapter one, you stated 'for all of those who are knew to this fic'... um, you spelled new wrong, though a spellchecker won't find that one...
Also, during the first scene with Samus, you spelled Varia wrong, spelling it 'vira'.
And, why is Adam's name entirely uppercase? I'm a little bit befuddled by that. I see nothing wrong with it, but... eh, I dunno.
Besides those things, the story seems well written, and, even though I'm only reading the first chapter right now, I can tell this one will be good. Please, update soon.
| Zydureito 1/2/09 . chapter 6
OMG. What an incredible twist and cliffhanger! Surely you mean to update soon right? right? right? MORE!
| Zydureito 1/2/09 . chapter 5
Woot. Loved the flashback :D Off to read the latest chapter
| Zydureito 1/2/09 . chapter 4
Excellent chapter! Well written as usual XD I expect nothing less from what I've read so far :D
| Zydureito 1/2/09 . chapter 3
Woah. That battle was intense! It's kind of fitting how Ridley could command a ship so well. I'm impressed with this chapter. I loved the tropical scene, the humor is especially entertaining. Keep it up.
| Zydureito 1/2/09 . chapter 2
I lurved the comedy :D sorry for the short review.. but i need to read more.
| Zydureito 1/2/09 . chapter 1
Woah! Really cool opening :D the details really drew me in! :D off to read more!
| Dr. Shibui 7/12/08 . chapter 6
Bum! Bum! Bum(dramatic reverb)! This was a great chapter! Samus has a run n' gun fight against some mecha thing, the AIs get squeamish patching her up, and best of all Cassie and Adam move into Samus' mind and try to redecorate it. I lold so many times! Also, the bad guys are plotting to resurrect Dark Samus?
WE'RE ALL GOING TO DIE! WA!
got carried away there. At any rate, great jorb! Roll on! And 'til next time Shibui out!
| Anzer'ke 6/25/08 . chapter 6
My god this is good, while this may be irrelevant I would like to say that in my opinion if anyone can write a good Ridley/Samus multi-chapter story, it's you. 'Cause. Your. Story. Kicks. Ass.
Peace out and Rock on,
P.S. If you reply and I don't answer it's because I won't have access to the net from 27 june to 18 july.
| Frogus 6/22/08 . chapter 1
Overall a good read. Well above average. You have notable skill in word choice and variety. The pace, insofar, is notable as well. Your descriptions are keen and colorful, and the style doesn't seem to have an excess of anything. However, there are minor errors scattered throughout this chapter which detract from the read. Perhaps I'm just being meticulous. Some examples are as follows:
"...they fought and bleed and died" "bleed" should be "bled"
"The chamber in which the leaders gathered was vast, illuminated by the light given off by both the living and inanimate, the blackness of space exposed to the gathered, a thin, but surprisingly strong plate the only thing separating them from the deadly vacuum." This is confusing; I suggest dividing it into two or more sentences
"Praxis began, his seven foot frame, long, tall, and strong, sat regally on the energy chair that he commanded into shape with nary a flicker of his mind." This is a run-on sentence; place period after "frame."
"sun dappled" needs a hyphen
Also, don't forget the end quotation to that last quote of the first scene.
And the final paragraph is nonessential, as if you're trying to inject the story with extra suspense. It's the kind of thing you only find in bad comic books, when suddenly the otherwise detached or invisible narrator buts in to tell the readers to hang on in case they weren't hooked enough because there's more interesting stuff ahead. Allow me to assure you that there is sufficient build-up in this chapter to trivialize that last paragraph.
| Cheshire Kat24 6/13/08 . chapter 5
Dear Gods, A "Jack Russel terrier on Speed" is a very
frightening thought. I'm the proud mama of a Schnauzer and he is bad enough on coffee!
It took me while to get into this story because the first two chapters feel a little forced. Yet it is chapter 3 where your writing has become more relaxed, free and cohesive-with the exception of Ridley. From the start I could sense that you have a deep affection for our scaly adversary, and it shows. I know that establishing a story in so many words where it doesn't insult the intelligence of the reader is one of the hardest things to do. You seem hesitant when it comes to the Phazites, although I don't know if I should chalk that up to your desire to keep them mysterious, or perhaps they haven't been clearly defined in your own mind just yet. All other settings and character interactions read more naturally. On that note, Thank you for keeping Samus relatively light hearted! Its more exciting to read about someone who is happy with their job!
The only complaints I have with Chapter 5 are the utilization of some similes and metaphors that have been used over and over again in other works. Phrases like "inky blackness" and "silent as a shadow." Its just a pet peeve of mine to avoid dying metaphors.
Other than that, I look forward to your next Chapter!
| Dr. Shibui 5/9/08 . chapter 5
ROFLMAO!(gasp!pant!)(ahem!) I did not know AIs could have sexual tension. Awesome chap! Ridley captured by the Phazonians, him having some past connection to the Chozo and Luminoth, and Samas...well...she's Samas and is by definition kickass! Update asap! Shibui out!