Nice story, I really liked everything about it!

P :•)

It's an intriguing beginning. Every other reveal-fic I have read starts with the big event right off the top and then either goes into flashback first or just jumps right in to the aftermath, your approach inrigues me. Although I notice that you could improve the narritive by altering a few words.

For example: 'Clark nodded rapidly, bumped into the chair beside him as he clumsily opened the door to leave'

If you were to change that to 'Clark nodded rapidly, bumped into the chair beside him and fumbled with the door as he tried to open it.'

Its a minor change but it could keep your from breaking the cardinal rule and telling instead of showing.

Unless my version doesn't actually show instead of tell. In which case just ignore all of the above (except for the good stuff)

Peace,

-Kobez-

Oh, whoops! I didn't see that there was more than one chapter, LOL! Great story. I do hope for a sequel, but it's good on it's own, too. Thanks for writing it!

This could be a great story if you continued it!

yeah cute little story is there going to be a squeal.

YAY lois chose clark. great story, but you seriously cant just leave it there. the ending was a bit too abrupt. i want to know more about the aftermath about lois choosing clark: jason's reaction and how everyone else is coping. maybe an epilogue or sequel?

Hey, you just ended it without them telling Jason, only Richard knows besides Lois

And the next story is going to be up when? *grins* Good job with this and I am definately looking forward to the next one.

Cheers!

the end? the END? agh! is there going to be a sequel?

what's the next story going to be about? will you let me know when you start your next story? great job on this story. thanks heaps!

NiteAngel

:Þ

You have an amazing story going.

I can't wait to read more ]

what? WHAT? you've got to be kidding! what do you mean, to be concluded?

you can't end it so soon! it's getting so good!

hmm...ok fine. if you're going to conclude it, then there better be a sequel! i was actualyl expecting this story to go for a bit longer...

sigh. i REALLY liked this chapter, short thought it was.

cheerio!

NiteAngel

:Þ

Oo Poor Richard. That was an awkward...gathering.

wow. did i tell you that you're a good writer?

i'm loving the tension in this story and the personalities of the characters coming through...it's really well done

and really well written

can't wait for more!

NiteAngel

:Þ

i gotta tell you that you're a REALLY good writer and i'm really enjoying it. all of it.

constructive criticism (is minor):

I’ll get use to it. - not sure if you know but it's supposed to be 'used'...but i'll chalk it up to typo.

NiteAngel

:Þ

oO Hm. I'm still skeptic. Wonder if Clark will mess it all up.