not ooc character
random handling

i don t quite get why he is kissing her

My heart is aflutter at the first chapter. I swear, this was the one popular pairing of my youth that I never fully understood, and then I read chapter 207 and was like 'yeah, I'm going to need some fic for that scene' and aahhhh this is perfect, perfect, perfect.

Much love for your writing style, right off the bat, and I'm sure I'll enjoy myself!

I don't mind that you left it open-ended, but it would be nice to see a mini-sequel one day, maybe scenes from Ranma and Ryoga on the road. I really enjoyed it! :)

-K

Awww, man. So sweet!

-K

Oooh. Yay, you returned to a POV! And you have such an awesome grasp of Ranma's. I like that he doesn't immediately panic about Ryoga, and clearly feels flattered and pleased. At the same time, he says Ryoga is one more "ball in the air" and I can only imagine how many things Ranma has to keep spinning in the air. Nice work. :)

-K

I think it might have been a mistake to keep switching POVs. I know that was the schtick of the story, and for many chapters I felt it was really working. (I'm still finding it interesting. Just bear with me. :) However, especially in the last few chapters, I can't help but feel as though they would have been much better written from Ranma's perspective, or Ryoga's. They're where the important stuff is happening right now. And because the readers and you, the author, are well aware of that, we're stuck in a position where we have to be spying on the pair in every single chapter. This leaves us with two problems:

1) Being outside the action
2) Having your narrator be, by necessity, a spectator.

This leaves us with POV characters we don't care much about, because they're really only there to report the actions of others, and have no significant impact on the plot. We are also left with increasingly weird excuses as to why they can't enter the action: Kodachi, for example, is not typically satisfied with gazing from afar, and the idea the Kuno spends a protracted conversation stuck in a rosebush is a touch odd. ;)

Let me reiterate that, in the first few chapters, this was working really well. First of all, your analysis of the characters is profound and awesome - and maybe those are the characters you like, or have thought about a great deal. Even though the central idea was the Ranma-Ryoga romance, it IS important what Nabiki's going to do with her photographs, or that Ukyo wants to seek revenge, or that Akane is so insecure that she's probably never going to be able to see Ranma's new romance as anything but an insult to herself. It's just the last few chapters that sound less like a thoughtful analysis of a character you're really invested in who moves the plot, and more a search for new POV characters to use.

Once again, I really am enjoying this story. I hope you're okay with critique. :)

-K

Oh, boy. In typical Ranma-universe fashion, the fit hits the shan all at once. I think you might have been able to inject more humour here, given your POV character, but I liked Kodachi deciding it was overwarm outside when she saw the kiss, and delighting over Ranma's slashed clothing. ;)

-K

"She wants him to love her, but I've flouted tradition myself by teaching him; an outsider male; our secrets. The council would prefer Ranma be brought back broken in spirit and body; a trophy husband, good for nothing but providing strong genes for Shampoo's children."

The semicolon. I do not think it means what you think it means. ;)

Should read "him, an outsider male, our secrets" or "him - an outsider male - our secrets" if you want a more dramatic pause. I favor the latter, but I've been cautioned against those dashes more than once, so the commas are probably more grammatically correct.

In "spirit and body; a trophy husband" that should be a colon: "spirit and body: a trophy husband". You use a colon when you're about to describe the same thing twice, or elaborate on an idea the first part of the sentence established.

A semicolon, on the other hand, separates independent clauses or lists with more than one word in each item. ("What will you bring to the camp?" "I'll bring a tent; several different kinds of snacks; a wildflower guide; and my tall, brown hiking boots.")

Maybe you know all of this already, and both semicolon uses were typos. But it stood out because it was multiple times in the same sentence, so. Viola. Grammar. ;)

I thought Cologne's threat to switch the engagement to Mousse was funny. I think I've seen it only once before, but it's... hysterical. Of course Cologne wouldn't just give up. That's for the weak-minded. ;)

I like the way you lampshaded Shampoo's voice being in pidgin-Japanese. Uh, English. I also admit I melted a little to see Ryoga kiss Ranma on the temple in that scene, and Shampoo's thoughts that such a thing was perverted - and then, on the heels of that, 'not fair' - was hysterical. We all know which aspect of that bothers her more.

There were times that the pidgin got a bit... muddy. Like, it no longer sounded like the type of broken English of someone with the background of speaking Chinese. 'Childs' for example... not sure if that really fits.

Wow. Akane's perspective is really awesome. She is so vividly insecure here, and yet one can see where she's coming from. There is nothing that she thinks that sounds crazy or unusual, and the foundation of her upset - not feeling like she's special, because to her, everyone around her eclipses her in every way - has a certain foundation. It's only when she says that none of the Furinkan boys are really attracted to her that she sounds truly blind. Even so, each individual observation comes together to create a full picture of someone who isn't quite right.

Very skillfully done.

-K

This chapter might be the saddest thing I've read in a long time. The way Ranma expects *nothing* from anyone, not even simple human consideration, is heartbreaking. Especially:

The bit about not bothering to buy a uniform anymore, and other people thinking he's stupid.

"She thought I was her grandson and sometimes I thought she was right" and the very idea that Genma would just abandon Ranma to some random, clearly delusional stranger after a traumatizing experience like the Neko-ken. Or at all, but. You know.

That Genma stopped *touching* Ranma after the Neko-ken.

The "Akane and Ukyo don't like touchy stuff" is very Ranma, and again... very sad. It's clear Ranma's tried this out and seen something in their faces or body language that says they're both uncomfortable. That line made me imagine the hurt awkwardness that would engender in Ranma. (Ha! Engender.)

The whole paragraph that precedes, "It's my job, not his, to make sure I don't get hurt when he goes after something he wants." But mostly that line itself.

Overall, you punched me in the gut. But in the best of ways.

-K

I really enjoyed that. The different points of view were interesting. Although open ended, I thought it was a sweet ending.

This is a pretty awesome story! XD

This ending makes a lot more sense.