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| caz1969 2008-06-26 ch 1,  | abusevery nice loved it |
| PiperG 2007-12-27 ch 1, | abusePerfection. |
| My Kate 2007-11-25 ch 1, | abuseloving this...wish she would want to see him...but if he can be patient, I guess I can too...please let the calls continue... |
| WalkerTRngr 2007-11-25 ch 1, | abuseVery nice job!! |
| moe76mil 2007-11-25 ch 1, | abuseGreat story. I'm so glad to hear that they are talking, and you were dead on (IMHO) that Sara would want to call and make sure she didn't screw 'them' up. I do have one con-crit: Please watch your capitalization. It's very distracting to the reader to see things like "i" instead of "I", and the start of every sentence. Little things like that make a great story hard to read, and can turn people off easily. There is a huge list of beta-readers over at geekfiction at livejournal, if you're interested. A good beta reader can be the difference between a mediocre story and a great one. Not trying to offend, and hey, I've never written anything, so you're ahead of me! And I'd even beta if you want. Moe |
| El Gringo Loco 2007-11-25 ch 1, | abuseAn interesting piece, short but very well done. |
| dirtylabrat 2007-11-25 ch 1, | abuse*sniffle* I hope that she comes back to us. |
| sky m 2007-11-25 ch 1, | abuseI hope that's the way the phonecall went... thanks for sharing |
| sprat 2007-11-25 ch 1, | abuseGood hope there is more |
| webby 2007-11-25 ch 1, | abuseVery good storyline. Although I would watch how you phrase some of your character's answers. Gil's especially seemed a little rushed for an intimate conversation such as this. Perhaps that was your intention, and if that then you need to explain his emotions more, "He was talking so fast for fear of not knowing when he would speak to her again." Maybe something like that. Good story though your word choice was exceptional for Sara. |
| Renae319 2007-11-25 ch 1, | abuseI don't know about you, but I breathed a sigh of relief when Grissom told Brass that he was talking to Sara! Yes, She's not out of his life! Great take on the phone call, I loved it! |
| Wander52 2007-11-25 ch 1, | abuseGreat job of closure for Gil in the way she left. |