i know you probly know this but the way you discribe the characters this is during shipuden and temari would be 19... besides that i think this story has great potential update it soon

your sick and a pervert.

Okay... What the bloody shoe is this? Scribbling?

Well, I was laughing through this because it made almost no sense in some ways. It just seems so bloody random. Boom! This happens! boom! This happens too! Yeah, but how?

Did you try to think about this, sam? Oh, and more then five seconds?

Well, If thunder struck, then won't the cars be struck down. Think about this... Tokyo is this really crowded place and there's loads of cars. Thunder struck, and the road is open? Nothing happens, a hurt girl just lands in the middle of the intersection. No cars run her over, go crazy about it, or is frantic about stopping. Uh, I think there might be a slight problem. Remember this is a crowded city. It's not a deserted desert.

Yeah, it needs work, and even before I try and edit out spelling mistakes please do rethink and rewrite! I can not stress it more!

Oh, and the m rating is not needed, just rate it t.

hey!! Heheh hinata wuz cusing!lolololololol!! OH btw Kun ish used on dudes... CHan for girls or san... that works... yep yep yep...