hm interesting and somewhat disturbing lol

not a big fan of valter x eirika, although I admit it could be onesided...(can't, for the life of me imagine Eirika falling for that guy haha)

But still, good descriptiveness. Would like this to be longer XD

Really loved the ending, great story.

Finally, another story with Valter in it! Quite short but very interesting nonetheless. Not bad pairing, it's nice to see some varity out there.

Oh em gee. :D I like this pairing. Okay, well, I like most of Eirika's pairings anyways, but this one just really funny/intriguing. Valter is scary and it's interesting to look at why he's so fascinated with Eirika...

You were saying that Valter and Eirika "weren't there very well" but I think you did fine with the characterization. Reading, I could really tell what Valter was feeling because you described everything so well: his sense of pride that he come to her, his almost loving gaze, all his beckoning... Every detail you used painted a nice picture of him. Same goes for Eirika and her dislike - or should I say hatred? - of him.

My only complaint is that sometimes you tend to go overboard with the language... I shouldn't be saying anything about this because I do the same thing (me likey description), but sometimes it feels like thesaurus/dictionary abuse. I mean, it's awesome if you know what "hebetudinous" means but -I- sure don't, and I'm guessing that not many other people do. It's always better to use simpler words when large words just sound strange. And then some of the phrases in here just sound awkward, like when Eirika's eyes "burned metaphorical hoes in the curves of his flesh." I'm sure you could find a better but still descriptive way of talking about it... Also, what's this with the bags under his "occularies"? Pretty sure that "eyes" would work just fine.

Yeah, not a bad story... I mean, I'd rather read a story in which grammar and characterization is respected than one without. I'd just recommend looking over your story thoroughly, reading it to yourself aloud if need, and maybe look for a beta reader. But other than that, I really did like this story. I thought you did a great job with Valter and Eirika's personalities. :D

Keep it up!