nice story till now! update soon!

Wow interesting! that was very cool

You noob that was the ending? What happens after the third chapter. You must update, update, update. This is a good story and i want more of it.

hey i know u haven't been around to update, but you're improving alot!! [not trying to be mean k]

but still just take it slow and when you change it to another scene but a bar or line you know what i mean, so the readers know that theres a change. but other wise just slow it down and it will be perfect!!

great job, can't wait till you update.
-Momo21

that was so sweet of toshiro to say when he got hit. and they're all living together. : ) great chapter and update soon!

one word: CUTE! ^^

wow! this is really good! please update soon!

i love ur story up-date soon plz

I think youra good writer dont be do ** yourself;;
I think if you work at it you could get even better...you caught there personalities well in the first chapter so i hope that you keep writing this fanfic...
Goodluck =]
-Vannah!

Heya! Thanks for reviewing my story! I'm returning the favor as you can see.
Alrighty, lets get down to business. First off, I've never read Bleach and I know this is a fanfiction site for people who know the characters, but you really have to introduce them more thoroughly, so that I, someone who has no idea who anyone is, can keep them all in check without the manga book.
Secondly, your story needs to flow more smoothly. You didn't describe the school. You also jumped through times like the "lesson that passed by quite quickly."
Even though your main character isn't in first person, you should still write about their thought processes. This makes it much more interesting.
Having alot of dialouge doesn't always explain everything. Leaving things unsaid or having some kind of mystery or an attraction to another character, pulls the viewer into reading the next chapter. If you don't connect to their interests right away, you lose the audience automatically.
Being a new student Momo's character should have come out immediately. Is she confident? Did she greet the class warmly, talking to lots of people? Is she shy? Does she talk to no one and sits quietly? Is she cunning? Do you hear her inner thoughts of some kind of sneakiness while she talks to people? You really didn't capture her character is the very beginning.

Hope that wasn't too harsh. I tried to say everything, but I hope your not offended. I don't know much about Bleach, so perhaps I'm wrong. Anyway, thanks for the review and put some stories up on Fictionpress! I wanna read them!
BTY, I live in Australia too, on the Gold Coast.

Onyx Flight Path

hey cute start! kawaii! can't wait till you update to the 3rd chapter! i've already read ur 2nd chapter, and i think it's really good!

cool can't wait until u post another one! love it!

hey paul its me dylan
nice story... haven't read it yet... sorry
im watching bleach now... episode 4 and 5 are so sad...
can u tell ben that my party will be held on the 12 and not on the 5 and for him to pass it on the the others that are coming
Japan was awsome...
cant wait to tell u guys
cant wait to go back to school
ok see u then paul
c-ya
-(:> out.

Ohh great fanfic

update soon

update soon!