Sweet. Go Van.

Right, well, first and foremost - well done. You wrote a long first chapter that included characterisation, plenty of emotion, and a plot direction. AND, you actually used description, which I think is seriously lacking in most fanfiction at the moment...
So yea, nice one - now some advice: The only thing i'd watch is the repeated words e.g. "Hitomi brought the gem even closer to her face, gazing into the depths of the gem." You don't need gem twice! Also, try to bring more realism to your speech, maybe? Like, perhaps don't have Hitomi saying things which are blatantly obvious; have her think them or just suggest that she's thinking them instead.
Other than that, this is fantastic. Anyway! None of this is criticism remember, as i really did enjoy your story - I hope you update soon! (wow this is long.)

I like it. Keep going.

Extremely cool. A month's time huh? geez, kind of long huh? LOl. Well I hope a lot of people review then. ^^

Okay so is the series on TV? And if so it'd be awasome if you could write it down what time it shows and what day next time you post something!Pretty please with a cherry on top!
Love
one of your adoring fans

update soon