hey!
i hope you will finish this story! i really want to know what will happen to emmett and jasper!!
keep up the good work!
shimz

interesting. i like it is it close to the end of eclispe?

I love it, update asap.

awesome!!

isnt her hair brown?

Ash and angela...cute!

\\amy\\

lolz. nice. ya, it will get very boring, but at least dont stop it quite yet. it still needs a good ending! update asap!

~edward lover

Okay...Well, the plot is okay. I like the general idea, but the story doesn't flow well all the time and is a little repetative. Might I suggest getting yourself a beta reader? They catch things you don't even think about, as our minds do not all work the same.

Also, I just want to warn you about the dangers of Original Character (OC) making. Please just read through to the end:

1. This is not a huge problem for you...Yet. But people want to read about TWILIGHT fiction with TWILIGHT characters. Remember the point of this little slice of Do not let your character take over the entire story. I know people who write stories with five to ten original characters, make the story all about those people, and have maybe one or two REAL Twilight characters involved.

2. And then those Twilight characters are Out Of Character (OOC)! Unlike number one, this is a problem in both this story and Blue Moon. It seemed like either everyone was completely opposite of their character or they were only in character some of the time, so they had bipolar...creepy. Remember to keep your characters constant, too!

3. If your OC is too perfect, people will not read your story. It will become tedious. Especially if you do not heed rule #2 and you make the Twilight characters even worse to make the OC look abused, innocent, and wonderful. Edward, Bella, Alice, everyone in good books have their flaws! NOBODY in the world is perfect, no matter what those obnoxious people think.

4. There is a fine line between keeping somebody flawed and making them downright unattractive so your readers can't relate to them. Don't make that mistake with this story. One of my main problems with Blue Moon is that you made your main character so...bratty. Okay, so you can make her bratty in the beginning. Whatever, as long as she turns out to be a decent person in the end. But...it ended up that she just got worse. It was okay if Kenz got upset that she was turned into a vampire and that Jake was a werewolf. When she and Jake broke up, I would have been fine if Jacob had disappeared without a trace. But, the problem was, not only did you not depict imprinting well (because Jacob wouldn't have left in the first place if that was the case), but you made Kenz coldhearted and evil by getting over it immediately, never thinking about him again, and not caring when he died. Even if she was over him, if it was someone she once loved, she shouldn't have been happy he was dead if she had an ounce of humanity left in her. Kenz is a scary, scary girl. Even Jacob haters wouldn't love it if the main character had a heart made of cement. Anyway...

Okay, it kind of sounds like an instruction booklet, but I'm only trying to help, okay?

I totally new that was going to happen, but Angela has a good boyfriend. Update asap, and I'll take the poll now.

I like your story so far... can't wait to read more!

wow im stupid...i didnt even realize there was a chapter 4! lol haha he did imprint on angela! angel/angela...thats so lame but i like it!

you still worked kenz into the story!! yay! lol i need updates!! they keep me happy!! and jake is upset becuase kenz is a vampire!

hes gonna imprint on angelaa! i think

yay! i knew it! go me! -does little happy dance- ok srry im done. it was pretty swwet though! im gonna feel bad for Ben...cause Ash is prolly gonna end up gettin Angela...but if he imprinted, he wont really leave her alone. or are you gonna make it a Bella/Jake scenario? idk but i can wait for an update...i think. lolz.

~edward lover

oh... is Ashton gonna fall for Angela, or Bella? Also that pizza Jake ordered sounds so gross. lol.