I can't believe it but if I got to choose I like the non-revised one better for some reason. Really liked the story. Somehow it was written well without following the normal guidlines. It is hard to pull off. To pick the right words to deliver the dersired effect or feeling without having to explain about it in detail. A skill of a great author. Reminds me of Fenoglio in Inkspell. Loved the story!

WRITE MORE, WRITE MORE, WRITE MORE! I'M BEGGING YOU!!THIS IS REALLY GOOD!YOU SHOULD WRITE WHAT HAPPENS NEXT!PLEASE OH PLEASE!T-TI TOTALLY LOVE THIS FANFIC!

where was the lemon?!?!?!??!?!

Great story ^_^

this was an interesting idea and well executed. though it would have been nice to see a little elaboration with respect to the environment but overall it was really great!

so good job!

Broken Mantra

^^ *claps* Very nicely done I must say.I'll read the rest =]