 Asgeras 2007-10-05 . chapter 9First off, let me preclude this review by stating that this is a review for what you have written so far (in other words, after reading the chapters that haven't been posted to Thus, if you're a reader skimming reviews, don't read the rest of mine. It will contain spoilers.
Next, let me state that I love the story, Trip. That is the first and foremost point I want to make...now on towards the critiques.
Your Ranma seems a mite bit on the finicky side of things. By this, I'm referring to her treatment of the various fiancees. For instance, at the beginning, all appearances are pointing towards Ranma loving Akane. Shoot, Ranma even tells Akane that she loves her, multiple times. However, later on there's a definite reversal, with everything moving to Kasumi. Also, Kasumi seems to be doing a bit of a reversal as well. Initially, Kasumi calls Tofu...darling, I believe. Then, later on, we find out that Kasumi is a lesbian. The main reason I don't see these instances as egregious errors is because human emotions can be a little bit on the iffy side in most circumstances. I would think, however, that your fic move a little more fluidly with correcting some of Ranma's indecision.
As far as the treatment of Ukyo(u), she seems to be getting the short end of the stick, with be3ing told to, pretty much, ** off. Everyone else seems to have dealt with their various demons and are leading towards a happy sunshiny ending, but Ukyo is left to wander in her personal quagmire. Oh, and Kuno as well, but at least he's a character which has presented nothing but grief before the fic takes place. Currently Ranma has Kasumi, Ranko has Akane and Nabiki has Shampoo. Obviously, the fic isn't finished yet, so I hope to eat this review once it is finished. A little salt would go nicely with it. :P
Ranma is very unlikely to receive any rest and respite from Furinkan. The only way she'll end up making a life for herself is by gaining new surroundings. I would think a transfer is in order. Plus, it looks like she might have a career set in motion, thanks to her modeling.
Well, that's enough bellyaching from me. I really, truly, love your fic and am looking forward to the rest with bated breath. Thanks for posting what you've written so far. |
 Tuisto 2006-11-11 . chapter 1I found your website, and see that the story you've got there is up to 14 chapters, but you've only got 9 on How very naughty that you're keeping those wonderful chapters from the good readers of
I still like the story after rereading the 9 chapters, and now reading the others on your site. Though I'd urge you to put them up on as the story is just SO good, that youd get rave reviews.
Thanks, would still like to see even more of this fic in the future! |