|Reviews for Who I Am|
| DDC 5/6/12 . chapter 11
Congrats! :D Can't wait for the rest of the story!
| Runecutter 8/19/11 . chapter 9
You've found a very promising premise for your story and there seems to be a lot of thinking involved in the background, like inventing all the names and relations between the kids in the Burrow and on the Express. Alas, i wish the writing would speak of similar promise, but unfortunately there is a lot that could have gone better.
The dialogues are rather stilted and unnatural, the motivation for the actions of all the conspirators is very thin and it is noticeably missing in the narration and then there is the mortal sin per se, leaving all the character's formative and therefore character-defining years out of Lilys life just to get her to Hogwarts... why?
If the Taylors aren't important for the story all the "America stuff" could have been said in one sentence and you could have started in Diagon Alley without loosing anything important. When you start with Ron and Hermione bringing her into a foreign exile and let her be trained from preschool age onwards... show, don#t tell... even if it means to spend much more time out of Hogwarts and out of "fun".
Last but not least even in these few and relatively short chapters you've managed to contradict yourself in several major plot points... e.g. first the Taylors "explain" (in a dreadful way) to Lily that tomorrow she will meet the Weasleys in Diagon Alley, but later on Ron does tell that they "ran into" them as if it was a chance meeting.
And in the last Chapter Harry excuses Lily from her next lesson, even when she had been so excited before the class started was that directly after it she would finally meet Ginny... that doesn't really make sense and is as cruel as the Potters behavior in all the fourteen years, not one visit even in disguise? No informations about how she's doing? No letters to or from the Taylors?
It doesn't sound very Harry "when i grow up i want to be the bestest daddy in the world" Potter like, regardless if there's a war on or not. He does know best that no hiding place will ever be completelly safe and that missing the childhood of your offspring is something you can never get back afterwards (if not through his parents demise than through the missing of Remus and Sirius while he grew up himself sorely lacking anything resembling "family" in his life). They're not the only couple that seems rather cooly and emotionally detached, with some exceptions from the kids on the train there wasn't much emotion in the story at all, but with Harry it is maybe the worst of all the shown characters.
to cut a long story short... The story itself is definitely a keeper and worth to work with, but it does need something like a major rework in all the details and the more boring technical aspects of writing (preparation, story outlining, character design/construction) to become something above average and truly extraordinary.
| PhenioxGypsy 7/21/11 . chapter 11
u probbaly dont have time to update with a what 2 year old but please try cause it love the story
| PhenioxGypsy 7/21/11 . chapter 7
in the end of this chapter i was screaming cause i couldnt believe he talked about giving up his daughter in front of a class of 4th years
| PhenioxGypsy 7/21/11 . chapter 6
IM SORRY WHAT LUNA AND MALFOY! sorry its just ive never seen anything like that before i gusse its ok cause ur doing such a good job this story
| cullenized chipmunks 7/18/11 . chapter 11
le wow! just read all of this in one go! more please please pretty pretty please!
| blueyez2010 6/5/10 . chapter 1
i hope you update soon
| TheFifthCharmedOne 1/9/10 . chapter 11
PLEASE UPDATE ASAP! I read this entire story in one sitting, it is one of the best HP story I've ever read!
| CountryGirlSince1996 8/16/09 . chapter 10
These are great congrats and update when u can
| Kattyface 7/16/09 . chapter 7
Wonderful, really wonderful. Keep up the good work!
| xXthenextbookwormXx 6/7/09 . chapter 7
An alarm clock wouldn't work at Hogwarts. As Hermione tells Ron, electronics don't work there, because all the magic in the air messes it up. "I read it in 'Hogwarts; A History'" Haha. I can't remember which book though. But my point remains, an alarm clock wouldn't work there.
| xXthenextbookwormXx 6/7/09 . chapter 4
Oho! Looks like a certian Malfoy has a little crush! This is actually really good. I like! :D
| ace 6/6/09 . chapter 11
| ShatteredxDreams411 6/5/09 . chapter 11
Congrats on little Emily!
| Godricsgrl89 6/5/09 . chapter 11
congrats on little Emily, we can wait for updates over here. My sis and I send hugs to you and ur little girl.