tee hee. Good for you Veri I am glad that she was able to tip Wyldon in the right direction. This was a short but very good chapter. I like the way you wrote this it gives us a nice little peek into Wyldon's head. PLEASE PLEASE UPDATE SOON!

ALANNA

Aww...Was so good...

Definitely post the next chapter (please), and if someone does take it, could you PM me so I can carry on reading?

Aw... please post at least the next chapter and if you find out who if anyone is taking it over can you let me know who?

Alanna

Aw... now you've got me hooked and then ended on a total cliff hanger! Write the next chapter, pretty please? *Puppy Eyes*

How can you not have time for this!Chapters are short!It's too good not to continue!

I like so far. I hate cliffies...I'm too impatient for them...

If you're going to change between POVs, the story would flow better if you gave Wyldon more than two lines. And somehow I can't imagine Wyldon saying 'Okay', even to his daughter.

Nice cliffie (I hate them, but this is well-done). You may of course use the poem.

Orohippus

Excellent so far. I like Veri's personality, and love how you gave her some unique spark instead of just being another Alanna/Kel-i-wanna-be-a-knight clone.

My only advice so far is not to talk to the readers during the story. If the paragraph is long enough, we can tell it's Wyldon's POV without you having to tell us, and it's perfectly easy to put an author's note before or after the chapter, so it won't subtract from the flow of the story. The story itself is great, it's just a little distracting when suddenly there's a sentence that doesn't quite fit. Also, if you're going to switch back and forth between viewpoints, make it worth it. Give Wyldon at least a couple of paragraphs for himself. Otherwise, it's easy enough to get the same point across without switching (and again, helps the flow of the story.

My final point is just to comment on the lack of anyone else in Veri and Wyldon's family, but I like how he dotes on her. Wyldon may be a stump, but I always got the idea that he would be good (in his own way) to his wife and kids. Excellent work

*eyes pop out* Wow direct little thing isn't she! I can't wait to see what Wyldon's reaction will be. There are a few small grammar issues her and there but nothing major. This was a great chapter and I can NOT wait for the next one. PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE UPDATE SOON!

Alanna

this is great keep going

grr... your cliff hanger was just plain mean. anyhoot i like the story thus far. just please please please update sometime soon.

Ha! So Veri is the reason Wyldon lets Kel stay! I love that! I think Veri is totally cool and I wish her the best of luck in her predicament! please please PLEASE UPDATE SOON!

-Kairi's Twin-

I like Veri she is a tricky little munchkin... I thought girls didn't go to the Convent until age ten... that's when Alanna was supposed to go. I wonder if Veri will have any affect on the outcome of Kel's Probation? PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE UPDATE SOON!

Kairi's Twin