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Reviews For: The Traitors - Reviews: Page 1 of 18

David Fishwick
2008-10-06
ch 13,
abuseNice idea and has Ron really changed? Please update soon thanks.
madsloth
2008-10-03
ch 13,
abuseSomething about this Donna I find fishy. Looking forward to next update.

Now I ramble about my last review and the fanfic butchering of it.
Ever wonder why you can’t use the percent symbol on this site or why they would shorten something like Castle ARG when it should have lots more R’s in it and T-One Thousand to T-10 why chop off the last 2 zeros? maybe there are there for a reason. What is a T-Ten? We saw T-1 to T-8 or so on the 3rd movie but I digress…
madsloth
2008-10-03
ch 10,
abuseI continue to enjoy the story but…..

wtf does this mean?

It looked like he was going to succeed, but at the last minute, testimony was introduced that Harry was emancipated when Sirius named him Head of the House of Black in his will. Therefore, the appeal was rejected.

Even if Harry had done underage magic on a regular bases how would that justify letting Draco and Co. off for attacking Diagon ally? “Your right Harry Potter used a hovering Charm so Draco is allowed to use the Killing Curse; on top of that the charges for the use of the Cruciatus and Imperius will be thrown out as well. You’re Lucky young man normally you would get Kissed for this but Harry did use that twice accursed Hovering charm. Oh wait Harry was emancipated you are still in trouble.” They murdered like 15 people even if Harry could get in trouble for defending himself and others how would that Draco get off? “Well I guess since some of the people defending themselves where under age so you are all even Steven, can we get a necromancer to bring back the dead underage victims to see if maybe they did underage magic as well? We need punish everyone. All this underage Self defense Will not be tolerated on MY watch.” I am assuming it is Percy somehow pulling the strings on this whole conspiracy thing? I always thought he was more of a suck up brown noser. “Just wish we could figure out who was sending those chocolates to Ginny, maybe we should ask Percy if he has any idea, since I recognized his hand writing on one of the packages.”? The girl who figured out Basilisk + Pipes can’t put that puzzle together? Ron saying mudblood at the sorting feast, some of his ‘followers’ are muggle bourns they are cool with that? Samuel or Dean (Irish Settler) maybe? Forget which one was Irish. Half the people in the story seem to have lost their mind or something maybe they are all on this potion. More and more I am thinking this story needs to be placed in the Humor Genre. All my complaints disappear in that case. It keeps getting more and more outrageous each chapter almost like a Monty Python movie. I keep waiting for the ‘cartoon peril’ and the Castle ARG.

Even though some of the characters would be more in Character if you replaced them with a T-10 (terminator) I do enjoy the story. Some stories I have read I nearly banged my head on a wall due to some of the outrageous stuff that goes on, this is not one of them. It is a FAST paced story and I do hope you continue, I will continue reading.

oh and did chapter 8 get deleted?
madsloth
2008-10-01
ch 3,
abuse(I like the story so far, this is not intended to be a flame, just observations of OOC’ness. I could not write a good story if my life depended on it.)

Interesting story, a bit over the top on most every account, except Dumbls violating the potter will and the Dursleys abuse, though it being tolerated by the two to the extent you implied is a bit hard to believe if they where acquitted with a memory of the Dementor attack I would think they would realize they could use memories again to prove they had no choice but to defend them selfs from the Dursleys and that was before he defeated Tom. My guess is the whole school will be against them because of the letters that the two weasels are going to send out. Canon suggest it does not take much to turn the world against Harry but if they do so on the word of the Ron then well we will see how you work it if that happens, at least the ministry had the prophet and other resources to tarnish Harry, Ron has a history of being a poor jealous bigot nothing else, I foresee Gin telling everyone Harry used the Cruciatus even though she was being held under it and would have been in no position to have a clue what was going on around her other then she was in a hell of a lot of pain. I hope Ron gets what he deserves and that is to be friendless and penniless (kunt or whatever) for he is the most Canon of all your main characters thus far. Always hated the little Bastard. I hope the Politically, Economically, Socially and Mentally powerless Ron does not somehow manage to ‘enforce’ an illegal edict to ban Harry from Quidditch. I could see an ‘All-Star’ player being able to do something like that to a mediocre player but not the other way around. They won because of Harry and inspite of Ron and everyone on the team knows that.

All that said I like the story, and Will continue reading to see what happens, nothing wrong with what has happened in the story just lots of OOC behavior, again not intended as any flame just observation. I want to thank you for taking the time to write this fic
LovaGirl11
2008-09-22
ch 13, anon.
abuseDid you know that you gave Donna the same wand as Moldyshorts? I think this story is great make a sequil please.
Jestasgirl9296
2008-09-22
ch 13,
abuseThis is awesome! I love it :). Oh! and it was updated on my birthday! lol :) I can't wait for the next update!
xx
The-Resident
2008-09-11
ch 13,
abuseQuite an interesting story. You've given Vernon more 'power' than the books ever did and he was despicable enough as it was. I like the HPDG pairing. I have only seen one other story with that pairing and it is Perfect Situations by Jeconais. Keep up the great work and I hope you will be able to update soon.
Robert1000
2008-09-09
ch 13,
abusegreat story please update soon
shadownaruto666
2008-09-07
ch 13,
abusenice story keep it up and update soon
aquarius89
2008-09-05
ch 13,
abuseI love this story, I cant wait to see what happens next!
animaluvr123
2008-09-04
ch 13,
abuseI LOVED THIS CHAPTER, UPDATE SOON PLEASE!
J. Carax
2008-09-03
ch 10,
abuseI don't mind Ron bashing, I actually find it kind of... refreshing in a way. But you've kind of overdone it in this chapter.
dennisud
2008-09-03
ch 11,
abuseThroughout this story the outlandish behaviour and wanton out of character personalities the Dursley's showed here seriously degraded my enjoyment of this story. I;m ignoring it to continue reading this, but I'm sure many readers have stopped.

dennisud
riegert8
2008-09-03
ch 5,
abuseSince Filius Flitwick is Harry Grandfather. Does it mean that Harry is dash of Goblin too ? I know J.K Rowling mentions on her official website that Flitwick is human, with "a dash of goblin ancestry. Since it only a dash of Goblin it won't have much of an impact on Flitwick child, but it explain why Flitwick is so short.
bob
2008-09-03
ch 13, anon.
abuseYou need to work on your characterization. People are not doing things that make sense. If a group of older Slytherins was found punching and kicking a little girl and then shouted "that bitch got what was coming to her", Dumbledore's response would not be "I don't care what grudges you hold against her", it would be "You are expelled".

It's just absurd. You have some similar problems with what Dean Thomas is allowed to get away with, and the ridiculousness of the Dursleys.

Otherwise it is pretty well written.
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