This don't seem like Helaine is showing her inner girlyness. It's more like her inner Eremin, becuase she acts just as mean and nasty as Eremin would have been.

I dont see the inner girlyness...

UPDATE!

pretty good, has some mystery

To be honest, you're in definite need of a beta reader...many grammar mistakes. Also, you've sort of stereotyped Helaine...Yes, she does have a temper, yes, she is very prideful, but there's more to her than that. Other than that the story's fine, and interesting.

i like the idea of ure story but when r u going to up date it i want updates plz