this brings tears into my eyes :(( it's so filled with emotion. Yet another great job!

Your story moved me, and I can't wait for it to be updated. I'm very sorry to hear about your brother. I have autism as well, but mine is high-functioning. I go to a special-ed school, and a boy lives down the street from me who is autistic. He is unresponsive. I wish well for you and your brother.
~ShuffleHammer

This was quite an emotionally wrenching chapter. It is unflinchingly honest, and you show a real understanding of your subject. Some of the writing itself is absolutely heartbreaking. And there were a lot of very amusing parts as well, which cut the angst nicely. I love the way you write Matt, he's hilarious, and someone like that is needed in this story. Also, the last scene showed a quiet kind of misery that was a good contrast to the high drama of the rest of the chapter.

I do have some concrit, pertaining to Linda's characterization. I think she was a little TOO insightful regarding Mihael. It's too much to assume that if someone happens to be in a bad mood at the moment, that they're sad about everything they see. Even if that's the case with Mello, that's practically psychic insight. An eleven-year-old girl, deaf or not, is still an eleven-year-old girl. She wouldn't be able to determine this, and it makes her seem less human to give her that ability.

Aside from that, though, this was a wonderful chapter and I think you did an excellent job. It's good to see more from you.

Well Harley, I'm impressed! This is turning out to be a spectacular work. Mello was a lot more in character in this chapter, I could see him feeling and thinking all these things. You're also doing very well with the pacing and structure, something I envy you for. Additionally, you're doing much better with the grammar than you have in the past--the only real problem was that you kept mixing up the tenses. You're making vast improvements in that area, and I'm really happy for you!

All in all, great job, and I can't wait to read more.

I really like this story a lot. I think it really addresses what it's like to have a family memebr with autism, and how hard it is. It's really well written too

That was a really interesting rewrite! It was far less chaotic than the original was. I assume you plan to continue this, and if so, that's probably a good thing. This seems like the kind of story that ought to be paced more slowly. The first chapter seemed very accurate--I know you have first-hand experience here, and it shows. Over all, this was an excellent first chapter. The first few sentences had some screwy gramamr, but you managed to improve it as the story went on, so that's good. Also, I absolutely loved your explanations behind why they're called Mello and Near, it's very innovative.

I know you said that it would be OOC, but I think that in order to make this story the best it can be, you do need to work on making the characters a little bit more in character than they are. I know that in an AU universe where they're being raised by their parents, they would be different, but they ought to be recognizable. Mello is angry, combative, and competitive, and while I'm sure some of that is because of the life he's led, the fact that he chose to react to his life in that way means that it's in him. It's also very hard to imagine him going into such a caring profession, though I'm sure this is integral to your plot. Aside from some obvious changes, Near is in character, but I'd really like to see Mello acting more like Mello.

All in all, great job. I really enjoyed reading this work.

this is amazing!
I love this so much, it...yea.
xD
Why don't you have any reviews?!

=O
Are you planning on continuing it?