First of all about your PM don't worry about it, there are a lot of things I wish I hadn't said online, in fact when i was sixteen I told someone I had a fatal illness when I didn't. And as for critiquing, I like doing it, I was a beta-reader for a while but then I ran out of time.

Anyways onto this fic:
Nice start, it's so vague that it makes you have to read. Perhaps include some examples of just what is in Tohru's bag but that's up to you I like the idea. I'm a little confused of when this takes place, think about clarifying everything to the bakka level of understanding. I like the descriptions that you put in this fic and the parallel with the actions. Some of your paragraphs contain too much information that sometimes it's lost or maybe I'm thinking this because the TV is on. I think you've got Rin's wording a little wrong but then I'm huge Rin addict, in my opinion having Rin say something like: "You need someone to talk some sense into you," might work better but as I said before I'm a HaruxRin fan. You've got the dynamics between Tohru and Rin down semi-well but there is much more room for improvement, even if they are friends I don't picture them this way but you're the writer this time, not me. Also, in my opinion you could improve your characterization on Rin by writing her nonverbal communication a little more. You have Tohru nailed down but once again your Rin is a little, lacking. Aww now I'm sad for Kyo-kun.

Okay now I understand that this is what I thought, a sequel, ah so that's probably why I don't understand a lot ^^;; I suppose others have read out-of-order before too. I love how Ayame is seeing Yuki like Hatori, it reminds me of Sirius, Harry and James a bit [yes I just watched Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix]. Yay such a cute job. Nice metaphors. I think there's a lot of information all smacked together at once, although that does sound mean I think a better sense of time could be beneficial. Woah that kinda sounded wrong "Share me instead" bad mental images but then I'm a little perverted. Kyo not seeing the sun is so saddening T_T.

Weeks Later:
Nice metaphor about Tohru or Ren, unsure which, being like the girl sneaking into her parent's house. I agree with the analogy Ren uses with life not being a game since even though it is slightly morbid I feel the same way, and Tohru's sun and moon story is beautiful. Wow, that sounds like a good ending but now I should go back and read your other stuff. Nice job

~Myst

Another wonderful story^^

That was very good I hope you make a chapter two. Ireally liked the way it ended with the sun and moon thing that was rather clever.

Dedication! :D *hugs you* glad I made you happy yesterday :) rather sad this is the last but bloody hell I understand why and I will mention again I love your flow with words!

Oh I haven't even finished yet and my heart is going ouchie... she is of to visit Akito? and Shigure makes a tactless joke... well as usual being the only one to laugh as who would reprind him really? Hatori was the only one who did so. :( now you see through this I really do get the sense of love for Hatori he is like a rock isn't he? And Akito is now the boss.

Momiji *hugs him* he may feel some more hope now that Kyo is out of the picture so to speak it sounds awful I know but the mind can work this way :( though he would want her to be happy so he'd help anyway he could wouldn't he? was he the one who asked his father to promote her? I don't know why I just thought... oh oh the 'he's not Hatori' comment and then Yuki's response *thumbs up* and the mention and the staying of his chess board :) and then 'I can see why he does' and Aya's gratitude that's another ouch really they seem to be getting better but Hatori is gone :( will Yuki ever see his friends? Kakeru and the like? I ask way to many questions. *continues on*

And Kisa and Hiro! *hugs them* she loves Tohru! lol Kisa chan is cool and Hiro has grown on me that kid had a lot on him to hide and him looking up to Haru is really cool lol
Yuki saying he was one of the ones stumbling well true... he would have been furious if something happened and no one let him know maybe there would be a Yuki rampage?
I love how Rin cares cause she does she is sharp and rough around the edges but deep down is caring but life like many of the others have carved her own brand of protection and Tohru is her first friend besides Haru and you show this so well! *hugs*

“Oh,” he said. “There everyone is. Hey, Sensei, I found your fake plant. I guess maybe Momiji didn’t have it. I put it in your room.” He beamed at Rin and Tohru’s joined hands. “Rin has her friend.”
:D haha!! aw *hugs* lol you do know im getting hyper? its early and i'm also drinking coffee? oh this day... :D

*wince* oh you just bloody made me jump! how did Akito know!! an oh dear... *peeks* clapping...
But he sees her as the threat but she doesn't want to be christ! she wants them to be happy! she wants to be happy! she'd prefer Akito to be happy but stubborn stubborn stubborn! and been raised to distrust... like the others has guard oh how this will end..?

He stopped ticking off the list of things she might want that he was prepared to give in order to get her away, keep them all happy, because he was not unkind - love that line

oh... now you see this is a twist I never saw coming... and of course he wouldn't let her marry Kyo... and he has told her Momiji likes her... was that a shock? did you use the Tayaka was going to have Momiji propose idea? oh... *hugs them all* :(..
and Ren visiting... cause of course she would if it's fobidden and she would be curious but that woman gives me the creeps she really does she just doesn't seem to care for anyone other then Akira...

And this was amazing thank you so much! (and yes I have questions :P I am curious as to what would happen later on cause all is still moving and the chess board exists) I'm rather giddy and satisfied *hugs*

I think you'd be so overjoyed if you could have seen the spazzy twitches I was doing through the entire time I was reading this...really. Seriously, what do you do to me?

You, my dear, should be crowned the mistress of gut punching lines...really, and of painting scenes so real they hurt to read.

I don't think I properly breathed through this entire thing, and there was much shaking with tension, and yeah, total spazzing.

"Will you?"
-I just...even with knowing nothing of your master plan, it's so ominous and chilling, especially with Saki being the one to say it, so...prophetically, and it's made even better for the fact that no one else seems to hear it. A lost prophecy...*shivers*

'All the ritual fires, and cutting out of people's heart, the sun came back either way.
-Just...win. Absolute win, because it makes everything else that's happened seem so essential, and yet utterly meaningless to the final goal.

'Rin hugged herself again, even inside and starting to warm up on the skin. Her insides felt empty. She imagined herself deflating like a balloon and crumpling to the floor. Tohru would pick her up and hang her on a wall and dust her and talk to her every day. The thought made her want to laugh.
-This bit, just stuck in there among all the mystery, sounding so hysterical...I almost started laughing here too, and then I sort of wanted to cry. You're very cruel, and good at twisting the heartstrings. I hope you know that.


'Tohru launched herself suddenly, grabbing Rin in a hug she had no time to dodge. She could have shoved her off, but Tohru was such a cry-baby, she would have been disproportionately wounded and it wasn’t worth it. So it was okay to stand there in the wet-wool smell, with the cold cheek pressed against hers, and feel… okay.
-This really is beautiful...a very beautiful scene. Tough girl meets inner...whatever Rin has that makes her cling so much that she can enjoy being clung to. I love the relationship you write between these two, because it's better and more complex than just friends.

'Yuki paused, just for a second, and let himself imagine it - letting Ayame take care of things, it working - and then Shigure laughed from the doorway.
“He’s not Hatori,” he said. Ayame looked as if he’d been hit.
-Twist the knife a little deeper into me, why don't you...I actually had to stop reading right there for a second, it's just...such a gutblow, because Shigure has magnificent talent at hurting people, but Ayame'd always been sort of immune, and he's not used to taking attacks from his friend, and doesn't have the right defenses, and Shigure knows it, and...waah. Poor Ayame.

“Stop.” Yuki frowned, tilting his head. “It’s not fair to take it out on Ayame. I’m sorry that you lost… that you lost. But aim your talents somewhere else while you figure out what to do with them.”
-The perfect defense. Thank you Yuki. It's well timed, while poor Ayame's floundering, and...you are the master here. I bow.

And Shigure's reaction afterwords, so him, and so...he's gotten the wind knocked out of his sails a bit, no matter how quickly he gets his footing back.
...which segues so perfectly into the scene I find so fantastic, of Rin pushing him around. It's actually sort of fun to imagine, because she's so brisk, and he'll listen, or get out of the way.

And everyone's reactions to her entrance, poor confused Yuki, and Ayame grasping at straws...and the line about them being miserable accomplices...loved it. Everyone has an agenda, even Tohru, and every agenda drags willing or unwilling hangers-on.

“That, or she’s suicidal,” Shigure added. He was the only one who laughed.
-Everyone else is so afraid it's true...love.

“Did you know about this too?” Yuki asked, disbelief tingeing his voice.

“Know about what?”
“No,” Rin grated. “He didn’t. We were trying to keep you all out of trouble.”
-And this would be completely comical, if the situation wasn't so full of tension it made me ill...it's like one of those scenes from the comedy plays, with people coming in and out of doorways at the wrong time, and the classic 'no one must know what we do,' and everyone ends up knowing anyway, and it all gets complicated.

...but it's worse here, because it all just gets so much harder with the more people, and yet, from the later parts of the fic, she really is gathering her army. That, and I do have to cherish poor Yuki's confusion still. And the fact that he's giving away secrets without intending to.

'The clapping was slow, and quiet, and only three beats long, but it still made Yuki cringe, almost as much as the voice. “Well done,” it congratulated.
“Now, though, you are all verging on making me very unhappy."
-I stopped reading, and breatheing, right here. Talk about an ohshitwearesoscrewed moment...the bottom just dropped out for all of them, because now it seems like they can't do anything whatsoever...the march got cut short.

You're going to give me a heart attack one of these days.

And this review is turning intoo the usual novel, and if I quoted everything that stopped my blood through the rest of it, I may as well have just put the entire fic in here and added my own commentary between. Her meeting with Akito was so full of tension that I was shaking, and he's so proud, but doesn't really feel quite sure that he's "won" anything exactly, but he has to believe he has, because if not, what else would he have gotten?

"I don't want you here."
"But they do."
-Once again, all breatheing stopped, because it's such a challenge...even if she didn't intend it, she just put the cards on the table, for him to do with what he wished...

And Akito hugging her unsettled me so much, because all motivations are so unclear, and it seems so vulnerable, and calculated, and spontanious, all at once.

“I want you to learn something. I want Shigure and Isuzu to learn it too. And I want my child to learn it.” I want him
to learn it too late.
-You've just given us Ren, down to the barest essential. She really has always tried to teach, but as things got further along, the lessons turn to weapons, and she's not afraid to use them, at least against Akito. You've captured her so perfectly, just in this one line, because it's what and who she is. Chillinng, but it seems so right, and normal for her.

“Life is not a game. You don’t win, and you don’t lose, and nothing is ever final until everyone involved is dead - and
usually not even then. We wish it could be, because it would mean we could rest. Wouldn’t it be nice to rest? Pretend that it’s over, and nothing from now on is your fault because he won?”
-This...ties it all together, from Hana's beginning lines, all the way through, from Shigure's and everyone else's change, to this point, because this is where it headed all along. With everyone trying to play, even Tohru, and then having someone make them realize that that isn't the way it works, and they've been doing it wrong all this time. Even Tohru, who didn't really seem to be playing at first, got drawn in, and is still drawn in even after this talk, but it puts a whole new spin on all of it, because, once again, it's all so important, and all so useless too.

I can't plead ineloquence *sheepishly looks up at the novela she just wrote* but you...really do strike me speechless with awe at the things you write, and damn you, because the ending of this made me want more, even though it was a perfect place to stop things. I'm going to worship you forever...which will probably be how long it takes you to read this thing. But really, I bow before your awesome writer powers, and will follow you to the ends of the earth.

And that's all...I have to go recover now.

TTFN

Katia-chan

Reviewing as I’m reading.

“It must be lonely.”
-An…intriguing way to begin. Certainly pulls the reader in.

“Keeping the secret that is weighing on your conscience,”
-Jaw-drop. I love Hana. So selectively perceptive.

Hah! Hana will “inspect” Tohru’s family, because nothing will ever be good enough to coddle Tohru but at least this way Hana will have a measure of the Enemy when it comes time to devour their souls.

“Will you?”
-Er. Don’t do that. If this is foreshadowing, it’s about as evil as Shino’s “I’ll survive” vein. But she doesn’t demand an answer, because things are already melodramatic. Hana wears melodrama like a coat, fergawdsakes. And, aw, protecting… I smell a Jata-esque thing in here, havetohavetohaveto protect her…

“Now that she could walk for herself.”
-That. Ouchies. Don’t let go, it’s a grounding point…

“It must… be lonely.”
-I dunno what’s going to happen and I already like the circle.

Rin refusing to care for herself because that’s Haru’s job. Hm. I forgot how much I like that dynamic.

“You can’t do this.”
-Because we all know that whatever Rin says is instantly obeyed, but then, everyone always caters to Tohru’s intentions, so we have come to an impasse…

“I didn’t say I cared or anything.”
-Not in so many words. But there’s only so much attention you can give to others before the yearly allowance for surliness is encroached upon.

“And if it goes right -” nothing ever will be again.
-And that is something our Akito would say, or think, or have tried to instill in the psyche of our troupe.

They were just eyes, not windows to anywhere special.
-Sometimes it doesn’t Go Like It Should. Real life has no place here, why is it…

Gods, using the words. “Giving up.” That cuts deep, and Tohru still doesn’t flinch…

“Kyo-kun doesn’t have any of that. He doesn’t have anything.”
-My first thought was “my grotesque Cat.” My second was: that’s not how Akito would want it. He has so much… darkness… inside that he needs to put it somewhere, and to keep it away from the ones he actually LIKES he would pour it all over the monster. But Kyo doesn’t even have that attention. Nothing. Waiting for his life to end.

And Rin tolerating the hug, so condescendingly letting it happen, as though she could have fought Tohru off with a pitchfork at that point.

“It must be lonely.”
-CIRCLES. I like.

“I know we could argue Akito around.”
-The last eighteen years of Yuki’s life to the contrary.

“He’s not Hatori,”… Ayame looked as if he’d been hit.
-Because, oh, the awful, awful, horrible part of my mind that’s bent so badly it twists the echo into ‘incest’.

He sounded almost normal. Too normal.
-People don’t just snap back into shape, do they...? Not ever.

“I’m sorry that you lost… that you lost.”
-It’s hard to put it into words, isn’t, Yun-chan?

“because Shigure should always know what was coming.”
-Weird tenses, there. And also, that Yuki would mistrust This Shigure so much that he wanted Old Shigure back, though they didn’t exactly get along swimmingly…

Now THAT is an entrance, Rin. Bravo.

“…he was not afraid that Akito was going to jump out of the walls and make her disappear.”
-Akito shouting, “Boo!” with a demon mask on. Yay. Oh, shizzit, you’re so totally getting another arbitrary page from the Gospel in that package.

“That, or she’s suicidal,” Shigure added. He was the only one who laughed.
-I like his sense of humor. It’s cry-out-loud funny.

He’d had his growth spurt months ago. He just hadn’t used it before.
-I like that. Momiji being aware enough that he turned newfound charisma on and off. Quite a trick, especially right off the bat like that.

“Why didn’t I know about this?”
-And, oh, if Akito could only see him now. Kill one of them, and the others flock so close…

He looked at Tohru the way Kyo used to…
-EW you didn’t. NOT COOL. Not cool, man.

Rin was looking desperately at Shigure, and he was not looking back with an air of determination.
-I like it when people pointedly don’t do things. Because the absence of evidence is not the evidence of absence, or something or other.

Her smile looked like something painted with tears.
-You’re one for metaphors. I’m not. But it helps the mood.

He would have had time, but Akito needed one more thing.
-And he always will. Just one more thing, and then you’re free, except that that’s the road to Forever.

“Yuki-kun,” she said, “you know - the sun is just a star. So, if you think about it, at night, there are more suns to be seen. Even if it is darker.”
-GODS YES. Yesyesyes. Perfect, great thematically, and such a very Tohru thing to say. Except, in your little Inverse she seems more than half-aware of the meaning behind the things she says, which I’m not used to.

“Rin has her friend.”
-Tamaki demanding that Haruhi have a girl-type friend, and it not working right because how can you avoid falling in love with the main character?

“Did you know about this too?”
“Know about what?”
-Haru’s so cool. His reaction is that he doesn’t react, but waits for the world to explain itself, if it feels up to it.

The Main House speaking for Akito, because that is how stage presence works.

He held out a hand.
Tohru took it.
-If he takes her out to a rose garden, I’ma be pissed.

“It must be lonely.”
-Now it’s more like loop-de-loops.

His comparing her to Christ, but he’s still better because he’s God, except in some sects Christ and God are one and share One Spirit, which, lemme tell you, just ain’t happening…

He had her here, and then she would be gone.
-That’s how these little interludes have always gone in the past, right? In His favor.

Because he was not unkind.
-Deeply, deeply, deeply delusional. Or in need of a dictionary.

“You have nothing to bargain with.”
-But she does, and if you don’t understand that, your skin’ll burn when you try to touch her…

Oh, Gods. He’ll make her marry Momiji, because he won’t give her the satisfaction and happiness of having Kyo. But then Momiji will be In Love, and, no, how could Akito possibly allow that?

I like the sun thing. I remember using it, decades ago, Momiji’s hands in the sun and saying that Akito kept them all from feeling the real thing. And now Kyo can’t, can’t, can’t ever and it’s so crushing…

She didn’t look very special.
-Lord, Sohma Ren being ‘not very special’, and for even Sing-Along Princess to think so…

ngrji3qpt4r5ioq3nshesaidHimwithanH.

“I understand that you’re something of a fairy godmother at granting these sorts of desires.”
-Don’t listen to someone who reads with that snide, mocking, indulging-a-child’s-fantasy tone.

I want him to learn it too late.
-What a flat bitch. Teach it to him sooner, what’s the harm?

“Pretend that it’s over, and nothing from now on is your fault because he won? But it doesn’t work that way, Tohru.”
-So she’s undermining Akito’s endgame, not Tohru’s. Growl. I’m still rooting for the lunatic one.

The silver rays caught in her hair and turned it gray.
-So tired. So very tired.

But she doesn’t have the luxury of rest…

I liked it, my eight-point-three.

For reasons that are apparent, this fic makes me want to glomp you. What the reasons are, I'm not going to tell you.

*glomp*