Ah, good to see that you were able to pull everything together. I know how frustrating that can be *cough*

The Blakists' little surprise is rather nifty. I can't help but wonder if such a device would actually be practical but then, we all know that applying REAL logic to anything remotely related BattleTech is an exercise in futility. So, kudos on the clever idea, heheh.

Splendid writing, and still a lot of unanswered questions... Besides the obvious (and huge and broad) question of the Sentinel Union, I'm still wondering why they bother to give different names to 'Mechs (I.e. Zeus = Ramilies), when they seem to already know the standard name. Then, perhaps I'm just impatient and need to wait a few chapters for those sorts of answers.

A slight writing point that comes to mind is that the non-BattleTech references seem a bit heavy-handed. For example, most people reading this are going to recognize what Mordor is and where that comes from, so no need to really explain it. I think it typically streamlines a fic somewhat if external references are either not explained, or given a brief nod, (baring something very obscure.) Plus it's rather fun to much such things something of a proverbial "Easter Egg."

The last thing is a more relevant note on the Blakists. A lot of people get this confused and understandably so, but it's been confirmed by the writers that the WoB (and old ComStar) never actually worshiped machines or thought their "prayers" would make the machines run. Er, barring the idiots and extra-nutty ones... They strive to retain a respect for technology so that they remember not to misuse it; the prayers are actually mnemonic devices used to help them remember how to run a machine. Just keep in mind that not all of the Wobblies are stark raving mad. ;)

Well, hope that's a helpful tidbit for you. Apologies for not reading up on these chapters sooner. I look forward to more.

First rate. If this were a harry potter it would have 200 reviews instead of 10.

Hm. Someone has been watching too much Star Wars. Venator-class ships, RAS Prosecutor, RAS Fearless, 501st Legion...whatever next, lightsabers, X-wings and Star Destroyers?

I'm not exactly a big fan of 'new-faction' stories, in which new states/Clans/merc units pop out of nowhere with fifty RCTs' worth of elite-rated Mechwarriors and a slew of assault-class superMechs, but I think I'll give this fic a chance.

The Kid

Good update. I don't mind the long wait if each update is of high quality. It adds the suspense.
One comment on the format, though. You could divide this chapter into 2 chapters: one with all the action, and one with all the talks. That way, you gave us 2 chapters instead of one, and you'll make us happier.

Good chapter, looks like this will be a good story.

gunny

Interesting start.

gunny

This is certainly a most interesting setup. The Sentinel Union strikes me as almost something of an anti-Clan. It's a very curious faction. I'll have to catch myself up on the rest of the chapters and find out more.

Much thanks for the cookie, as well, heheh.

Mabuhay! Thank you for the cookie, it's nice, not too sweet, just the way I like it. Can I have the recipe? LOL...

From writing perspective, this is very well done. You certainly put a lot of effort. Great character definitions. Excellent dialogues. And your detail description of Ryza is really good. Not a lot of authors give attention to the planet the way you do, myself included *blush*.

From technical perspective, I must say... this feels more like a Warhammer story than MW/BTech. Half of the terms are not common BTech terms, and I suspect they're derived from Warhammer, like Space Marines. It's not a bad thing, but perhaps you may want to use common BTech terms to give more BTech feelings to the story. Or, straight from the beginning, proclaim that this is Warhammer/BTech crossover. I think that'll work better.

So you've been reading our stories in the dark? Give us a shout once in a while, we like being shouted at. And keep on writing, who knows one day we're the ones that send you cookies.