   Hexameron
2008-10-29 . chapter 1I should have read the initial author's note first, lol. Would have saved me much confusion. Before reading it, I didn't realize that it was the graveyard scene until the end of the chapter, when Ginny made her appearance, which led to a massive WTF moment. Maybe I shouldn't have dived in without reading your initial author's note. On the other hand, the setting wasn't recognizable as being the graveyard, and being reliant on author's notes to acclimate the reader to the setting from the get-go is in my opinion not good taste. There was mud, and that was the only connection I could draw.
I apologize if you intended this story to be read only by readers of your Grey Maiden series, but this doesn't make much sense to me either. You restrict your readership to your Grey Maiden fanbase, and not all of them like Lord of the Rings. Bah, I'll not dwell on it anymore.
The lack of detail makes it hard to immerse oneself in the story. When you have Harry slams 'into the wall of Death Eaters and bounces off', something isn't quite right. These are human bodies colliding, minimal elasticity involved.
Also, you break the cardinal rule of crossovers. While I readily admit I don't like Ginny in any capacity, as Harry's romantic interest or as a major character, when sending the main character of one fandom into another place, the epic quality of the crossovers disappears like rain in the daytime Sahara when another character tags along. If it was even a character I liked, I still wouldn't read further.
Asraeos, the author of another crossover with Lord of the Rings called The Black Wizard, was extremely clever by making it appear as if Harry was the only person to be moved into Middle-Earth in the early stages of the story, and only then enabling people to travel back and forth between the two worlds. By then he had a huge following that wasn't going to leave.
That's fine though, I could easily imagine a grand story about two people searching for each other in a strange, unforgiving world. But having not only Ginny, but let me go check and compile the list - Luna, Daphne, Blaise, and Neville is - I mean it when I saw I hope I don't offend, but surprised me not in the plot development way, but in the what on earth way. And I like these characters, and I think I like you as an author. I read Grey Maiden up until Harry started pining over Hermione and his livelihood suddenly became dependent on proving to her that he wasn't evil, but it wasn't the writing that turned me away. Your writing style is solid, but your story decision-making is that of a lesser author.
I do credit you with not making Harry able to communicate with the natives like every other Lord of the Rings crossover out there. I'm not as enthusiastic about the thought projection, but it was as good a solution as any, and it was handled well. It was not a superficial impediment because it was only a partial solution and a one-way communication - Harry can speak but cannot hear in any useful sense of the word.
I think you need to develop a sense for what plot elements are inherently stupid. They usually trigger a mental reaction, like when seeing "Harry feared nothing, not Voldemort, not legions of Death Eaters, demons from hell, but quailed before two women: Molly Weasley and Madame Pomfrey." Or the bat-bogey hex, but that's on a different level entirely. |
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