Reviews for hacksign choas

Akami-san
2008-01-03
ch 3,

abuseI think it makes perfect sense. It’s a good story and has a lot of potential but you need to slow down and elaborate more on what your saying. Instead of saying ‘she informed them’ stop and tell us what she said. It would be nice to learn about their personalities. I know your first fanfic can be really exciting but if you just slow down it will turn out much better. Keep going with what you have and learn from your mistakes. Up date soon!

LavenderAlana
2008-01-02
ch 3,

abuseOkay, where to start?

First of all, you spelt "chaos" wrong. That was a bad sign from the start. Second, your story is so jumbled and thrown together that I can hardly tell what's even going on half the time. From what little I can tell, I think I can safely say your characters are Mary Sues/Gary Stus because one of them has a Twilight Bracelet (presumably), they're saving 'The World' (or the world in general?) and from your poor description they're "unbeatable".

Another thing, who the heck is "Ara"? Aura's badly typoed twin sister?

By the way, commas your your friends. Really. They won't bite, please use them. Sentences that actually last three whole lines without a single break /should not exist/.

Simply put, I think you should start over. I'm sure if you actually had decent grammar, lost the run-on sentences and learned how to spell properly, I would be able to find some redeeming qualities, but as of now I can't. So please, /please/ consider a rewrite.

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