Reviews for A Little Bit of Trust

Reviews For: A Little Bit of Trust - Reviews: Page 1 of 2

The Regretless 2008-06-28 ch 1,	abuseThis was wonderfully written and probably my new favorite Avatar one shot. It was so true to the characters and it felt like I was watching an actual Avatar episode! And Toph calling Zuko Sparks was amazing. I can see that happening XD
Starer of the Moon 2008-03-27 ch 1,	abuseOverall, your writing was great, but there are some things you might want to consider. ...'“This may be a bit more difficult than I thought, Uncle.”'...I think this would be more effective if put in its own paragraph. ...'She hated how he never made eye contact with her; never seemed to acknowledge her.'...Semicolons link two sentences that can stand alone as sentences, but 'never seemed to acknowledge her' can't stand alone. A better option might be to just use a comma. ...'Granted, Zuko knew there was most likely going to be tension between he and the Avatar’s friends, the Avatar included, but now with a death threat looming over him, he feared the actual training sessions.'...You have quite a few very long sentences, but I chose to pick on this one because of the many commas - they make the sentence choppy. I can see why you did it this way, but if the extra information was given separately, it might help. ...'actually getting down on his knees.'...The 'actually' sounds too colloquial. I would get rid of it. ...'And Zuko wasn’t the only one who was suffering, the rest of the group was getting tired of putting up with her sour attitude as well.'...I think a semicolon should be used - they can both stand as separate sentences. ...'the two boys had hit it off pretty well'...'Hit it off' makes this sound more like an everyday conversation, rather than a piece of writing (no offence intended). Maybe it would be better to put a more formal word in there. This isn't a correction, but I suggest you split each scene with some symbol. The italicised 'number of days later' doesn't stand out much. And, this isn't really important, but 'Morning, Seifu Zuko' should be 'Morning, Sifu Zuko'. There are a few more 'seifu' appearances later. ...'who had already been up for over an hour and had spent his time alone meditating.'...The second 'had' is redundant. ...'nor did she return their ‘Good morning.’'...I think the full stop would be better placed outside of the quotation marks, considering they aren't actually part of the 'good morning', but more of an indication to end the sentence. For the redirection of the attack, I thought that that was only a waterbending technique...? Don't the earthbenders throw up some shield or use superior power to overcome the others' attacks? ...'At that point it got extremely quite.'...Do you mean 'quiet'? ...'would have chewed her head of'...I think you mean 'chewed her head off' for one, and for another, maybe replace it with something less colloquial. Onto the good side. Generally, your writing is really great, and you show off each character's personality really well, especially in the dialogue. All your reasoning for each character's choice of their actions was logical. Also, the ending was great. The last sentence standing by itself was an effective way to finish. Have a nice day :D
Myah 2008-01-19 ch 1,	abuseMy God. I absolutely loved this story. It's the first time I've come across fan fiction that was so well-written. You held true to the essence of each character, and wove your story around it. I could almost see the firebending sessions with Aang, feel the group's disapproval of Katara, feel the tension and relief that came with the explanation and apology that followed. Toph is one of my favorite characters, and I loved that you made her as she always seems to be: the voice of reason. And best of all, it was realistic- exactly the kind of scene I imagined occurring sometime in future. But as to a couple of other points... well... I guess you're still waiting to see 3-13. Although I don't agree that Zuko would have believed firebending to be the easiest for him. With this element, he would have had to work with- and past- his fear of it. Water may have been the easiest for him- its forms were similar to air, and he didn't have any reason to fear it. Zuko knew this. Just to finish this off, my fav. moment: "Umm...Katara? Firebender. Hello." Excellent work.
kitkat1327 2008-01-11 ch 1,	abuseThis is just great!
MastaDrumma22 2008-01-01 ch 1,	abuseEND?! THE END?! No continuation? dangit. Nice job.
2dragonkat 2007-12-31 ch 1,	abuseOh I completely love this. I'm like you and hadn't planned to watch the episode...but whatever, I did, sigh I caved. I agree that Katara will probably go off the deep end over a minor thing Zuko does, but then she'll be blamed as the 'bad-guy' and will then go talk to Zuko and then there'll be some peace between those two. I love Toph calling Zuko 'Sparks' I can totally see that happening. I thought you did a terrific job with this, and now we all have to do is wait and see if your predictions come true.
moor 2007-12-31 ch 1,	abuseGreat job keeping everyone IC (imho)! :D I really, really liked this. Thank you for sharing! (Toph calling Katara 'Bittersweet' was a great twist.)
sorceressmyr 2007-12-31 ch 1,	abusevery well done. so much in character,and possible plot I can very well imagine it'll happen in the next episodes. I do hope you make a next chapter of it :)
jess 2007-12-31 ch 1, anon.	abuseI really liked it! It was realistic enought to happen in the series and you sticked with the characters personalities. I also enjoyed Toph refering to her first couple of days with the group. I hope you continue with the story!
Sudoku07 2007-12-31 ch 1,	abusehm. i like this story so far. i hope u update soon. and feb is a long time to wait for the show. o well
Lucrezia6565 2007-12-30 ch 1,	abuseThis was just incredible. I wouldn't be surprised if, for the most part, this is just what we'll see happening in the next episodes. The narrative is so true to the show, I could basically "see" and "hear" the characters as the events unfolded. Nice touch to have Zuko reveal only the most significant parts of his personal story, and hold off on the "sob story" details such as how he received his scar. As the story implies, there will be a time for that later. Excellent job as usual, Dracori, always a pleasure to read :>)
Wyld Stallyns 2007-12-30 ch 1, anon.	abuseWow, just wow. The dialogue at the end was amazing. What you wrote has a point. If Zuko did side with the gaang at Ba Sing Se, he might have betrayed them later. I know I'm not the only one disappointed about that scene in the show but what you wrote, well I feel gay for saying it but I felt warm inside from it. Yes I was disappointed, but now I can see that in a way Zuko made the right choice. He needed to return home to the fire nation and see the truth for himself.
Talon88.1 2007-12-30 ch 1,	abusevery nice, very nice indeed. the interaction between the characters is spot on, and you have incorperated the actions of the past into a well done ficlet. i hope that you will consider making a full story out of this, but even if you dont, its still good. Roll On.
sara 2007-12-30 ch 1, anon.	abusethat was bautiful!
fearlessgurl283 2007-12-30 ch 1,	abuseVery well done, this was very much in character and believable. It was just...so good; so very much like the show that I just can't express my thoughts on it any better than that. XD

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