... The Hell? XD Hayner's so silly sometimes. OMG you beat Sephy? *Round eyes* wow... I still get killed after about ten seconds... but then I've only been trying for an overall ten minutes so that's probably why. XD

What a cute idea. I love it.
I think your narration in the end and especially the beginning balances the amount of dialogue in your piece. It works.

There are some minor conventions glitches that can be fixed by a quick proofreading"Hanyer", "ever sensitive(needs hyphenated), "to hot", etc.).

Additionally, I think Hayner's voice is loaded with one too many big words at times. While another character might be able to pull off 'blasphemy' or 'foolishness', I don't think Hayner would. He doesn't seem that refined to me. He's got the right spirit in everything he says you got the tone nailed, solidly. Just make sure your word choice coincides.

I wonder how one wrestles underwater? It's a cool idea. Maybe I'll write a 'Beach Scene that Was' one of these days. Who knows?

Again, I love the ending. You have exactly the right amount of words to make the meaning stick sometimes the balance is hard to find. Good work with these four, and thanks for making it not center on Roxas! (Sorry, Roxas; you're cool, but sometimes the world doesn't revolve around you...even if you're very important to its well-being.:p

Excellent work.

Keep writing!

I love them you are such an I agree it's always twilight there how in the world did it get blazing hot?It's a job!