Reviews for Forgotten Legacy

Reviews For: Forgotten Legacy

magooglersriot 2008-05-08 ch 7,	abuseWHO!! UPDATED! Really great chapter. Can't wait for the next!
magooglersriot 2008-03-02 ch 6,	abuseWow. This is a great story. I hope chapter 7 is posted soon. Keep up the awesome work! =]
Cody MacArthur Fett 2008-03-02 ch 6,	abuseWell, there's only one thing wrong with this chapter: In several of the sentences words that should be capitalized (Usually the beginning of a sentence) aren't. Just fix that and you'll be A-OK. As for the chapter itself: As much as I would have loved to have had a World War Three scenario (You can't write in Roman numerals because it shows up as a I), ala the Normandy being stuck in an alternate past, it seems as though you have something different in mind - not sure what that is yet. Anywho, update when ready. Sic Semper Tyrannus Carry on.
bandgsecurtiyaw 2008-03-02 ch 6,	abuseInteresting.
Cody MacArthur Fett 2008-02-26 ch 5,	abuseAlright, review time . . . Hmm, think I'll number my points now. (1) I still can't figure out where the character of Jason Walker came from, I know GhostStalker came from Joint Task Force (He was one of my sniper if I remember correctly), but I don't ever remember a Walker being in that game . . . (2) Your opening paragraphs lead something to be desired. It seemed like one moment we're watching a convoy fight through some unnamed Iraqi city (I sight the recent security improvements as a reason why Baghdad would not be a good choice for the location of your story . . . Somalia or Sudan however . . . Yeah, they're gonna be in trouble for a long time - Africa really is the perfect place to set a near-future conflict, Africa, South America, or Korea), and the next moment we're watching them surround a ship. If you were to put in a bit more exposition as to what was actually happening from the POV of the soldiers on the ground that help. For instance, put in a paragraph or two about the troops seeing the ship land, deciding to go out and secure it, you know, stuff like that; it’d help with the story immensely. (3) It seemed a little odd to me to have Chakwas exit the ship with Shepherd and Alenko since she’s a doctor not a soldier (An old doctor), and it seemed even odder to have her be in the middle of a combat zone. Now if you mentioned that she was wearing armor and whatnot it’d make sense, otherwise she’d be liability not an asset. (4) Have you ever read the “1632” series by Eric Flit? ‘Cause that is almost exactly what your story’s premise looks like, only instead of featuring a small West Virginia town being flung back into central Germany during the Thirty Years War you’ve got an advanced spec ops ship being flung back to the Middle East during World War I! (Though that is up for debate) (5) It might be helpful for you to mention what Shepherd’s stats (Exp. Earthborn/War Hero/Adapt) are in a future author’s notes or scene (I.E. Someone reading her file) so that the people reading this can get a better feel for the character. I hope those points helped. Sic Semper Tyrannus Carry on.
bandgsecurtiyaw 2008-02-25 ch 5,	abuseInteresting work so far.
magooglersriot 2008-01-29 ch 4,	abuseHm, this is getting very good. I hope you finish the next chapter soon... :)
Cody MacArthur Fett 2008-01-29 ch 4,	abuseWHOP! You know when I got up this morning I really wasn't expecting to be reading this, but I checked my alerts, clicked on this, and then POW! Straight into the middle of dogfight, is there any better way to start off the day? Anywho, sorry I didn't get to review last chapter, what I was going to was that you should tighten up the spelling and grammar, and lo and behold you do! Everyone was in character, everything was true to the Mass Effect spirit, and you even managed to sneak a KOTOR reference in there (Very nice), well done. There was an error in your dogfight though: You called the Geth ships "Tangos", while this is fine for when you're engaging terrorists it doesn't actually mean anything when engaging the Geth since they would be called Golfs (Communists would be called Charlies, Krogan would be called Kilos, Russians would be called Romeos, etc.). Other then that just keep continuing the level of quality you've put out with this chapter, and you'll be fine - the reviews will come when they come, don't worry about them. I am looking forward to the continuation of this story since it is looking like the first real good novel-sized (100,0 words) story to come out for Mass Effect, and I want to be in on the ground floor (Or whatever floor the critics are). So update when ready. Bona Fide Carry on. P.S. As weird as it may sound you respond to reviews by clicking on that little speech bubble thing besides the review . . . Yeah I know the site fracked up on that, but bring it up with the administrators not me.
magooglersriot 2008-01-25 ch 3,	abusethis is pretty good. looking forward to the next chapter! :)
Cody MacArthur Fett 2008-01-18 ch 2,	abuseYou know, I honestly don't know why more people haven't reviewed this. I'd like to give a more in depth review, but I honestly can't until you update this thing with more chapters. So on that note I leave you until next time. But before I go I have to ask you, who's that Jason Walker guy? He's seams fermilar, almost like... No way, it couldn't be, a Joint Task Force crossover? {Cue fangirl-like squeal} Wo, now I really can't wait for this to update. Sic Semper Tyrannus Carry on.

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