Reviews for Bomberman: Rise of the Golden Bomber

Reviews For: Bomberman: Rise of the Golden Bomber

Sora G. Silverwind 2008-04-21 ch 6,	abuseWhoah, hey, another chapter so soon? Fantastic. ...uh, not sure what to say that I haven't said before. ^_^;; Nice to see a shift in viewpoint from Bomberman to Red, though. Makes the story seem more epic.
Sora G. Silverwind 2008-04-21 ch 5,	abuseAwesome. Movement in the fandom! I'll be following along still. ^_^ And I'm glad to see that Baelfael's made an appearance! Wonder when/if the other Elemental Knights will show up. A minor thing that may have to do more with personal style than the actual quality of the fic: perhaps it might do well if you had some more internal monologue from Bomberman? I know you have some already, but for the sake of pacing (and, perhaps, heightening the suspense as well as adding more to Bomberman's character) it might do well to have more of that. I'm not sure...I feel like something's "off" right now, but I can't quite explain what it is. ^_^;; And sorry if I've suggested that to you before and just forgotten. At any rate, I'm glad to see you building on the worlds and stories of Hero and TSA. The thing about Pommy learning proper grammar after being with Millian was a nice touch, although I was a bit surprised when I first found out that Pommy was staying with Millian, probably because I'm used to writing Pommy and Bomberman side-by-side.
Sora G. Silverwind 2008-02-07 ch 3,	abuseOh...wow. I didn't expect to get most of my questions from the last chapter get answered in this one. XD And then, of course, there are answers to questions that I didn't even think about. //Green Resort was in reality a large chunk of Primus. White Glacier came from Mazone’s mountains, and Red Mountain came straight from Kanatia.// THIS is definitely interesting, and a nice tie-in of Bomberman 64 and Bomberman Hero. Overall, though, I don't have much to say, since this is very much an expository chapter - quite an infodump, actually. I can't specifically tell you how to remedy that if that's what you want to do, since I don't know where you're planning to go from here. But it helps to figure out what information the reader absolutely needs to know at that particular point in the chapter or story. Anything else is either simply hinted at in other conversations, or explicitly delineated elsewhere as appropriate. The other thing I've noticed is that your dialogue needs work too. That's another thing I can't specifically tell you how to fix either. XD It just comes with becoming familiar with speech patterns in real life, as well as becoming familiar with the characters. Anyway, I've been up for way too long, as evidenced by the fact that I'm rambling, but I'm going to stay up because dammit I need to finish this fic I'm working on. >_> (Damn you, Regulus, and your first-person POV too!) But I'm going to keep reading when you post moar chapterz. ^_^ (Oh, and if you don't want my concrit, you can tell me to STFU. I don't mind. XD)
Dantaron 2008-02-06 ch 2,	abuseHello, Swex! ^_^ Sora alerted me to the presence of a good Bomberman fic up here, and since that's one of my favourite fandoms, I thought I'd check it out. You did a pretty good job as far as keeping the technical aspect of writing good - that "His mind was infected with questions" line was great, and the worldbuilding you did here was decent. I never played the game Nitros was from, though you casting him as the supreme commander was a good contrast to other fics I've seen, where he was basically a little kid. It's nice that Bomberman has people over him, and he's basically just a soldier like everyone else - it's a newish take. The whole concept is pretty cool, too - a Dragon Clan who dwells in an ice planet and worships a dragon at the heart, and them being a pirate clan and actually reducing crime out of fear/eliminating competition, doing a great flip side in that they actually helped in some respects. The Gold 1 planet was sweet, as well - reminds me kinda like Titan, Saturn's moon, from a bit of your description (on that, though, you described it as being up on the display as "It was an intriguing planet, with a thick, swirling golden atmosphere. ", but later on you described it as being calm and settled, and specifically -not- swirling. XD Just a simple error, you can fix it easily enough - and I liked that touch about being able to tell from that if it was all gas or if there was land below it - judging from the gas giants compared to Titan and Venus again, it kinda makes sense. ^_^ That transmission they got from Gold was pretty creepy/cool as well, having all the voices sounding at once - that'd be freaky as hell, especially if you knew you were GOING to that planet and you'd be facing whatever was there. Anyway, in other critique - the characters as far as the main ones, White Red and Blue, seem kinda dry in that so far, there isn't a whole lot of difference between them aside from Red's a rookie, White's a vet. You might want to do a little considering in fleshing out distinct personalities for them, for making everyone seem their own character. Also, that mission, should you choose to accept it line was kinda old. XD And technically, if Nitros is their superior, do they really have a choice? But nonetheless, that's just nitpicking, you really did fine. ^_^ But yeah, just work a little on the characterizing, and I reckon you'd see the dialogue and interaction evolve from there. ^_^ It's still early in the story, so you have plenty of time to work with it. I'll be reading and reviewing along the way! =D
Sora G. Silverwind 2008-02-06 ch 2,	abuseNice update. ^_^ I like how it sticks close to the simple adventure feel of the games, and I'm curious to see where you'll go with this. I'm a bit confused as to how/why Nitros became a High Commander, though. Didn't he mention back in Bomberman Hero that he was a "trainee at Bomber Base"? (It's kinda sad that I actually remember that. XD) Anyway, I'll be reading!
Sora G. Silverwind 2008-01-22 ch 1,	abuseIt's good to see some movement in the Bomberman FFN section. ^_^ I'm really glad to see someone using stuff from Bomberman Hero, since that was the first Bomberman game I played. I hope to see Bomberman and company in action soon~

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