good story so update soon and keep writing its great.

Man you get a lot of short useless reviews. This won't be one of them.

Anyway. First thing is I like the premise. At first it was going to be a super powerful HP with no weaknesses. Good job introducing a weakness with V taking over.

You already covered that grammar and spelling were going to be an issue so I won't go there. Overall story wise I didn't like it as much as I had hoped. I was intrigued enough to finish, but...

It feels rushed like all you wanted to do was hit the sweet points. (Don't worry I'm more than guilty of the same thing.) Its just something you may want to work on. Expanding scenes. Using dialogue to really get to know the characters. Syllia seems so not real to me. Like a fixture just to be there. And there really wasn't any interaction between Harry and Zsuzsanna that made his reaction make sense. It probably would have been prudent to have some bonding time between the two besides the... two? or was it three short exchanges between them.

The other point I have is descriptions. Its something I'm working on very hard as well. Its difficult to learn to do descriptions right. Often through the story you describe things in very detailed ways and most cases that's alright. However, its puts a block up in the story. Meaning the reader is often reading along enjoying the story seeing it in their head and then they have to stop and modify their impression of the story because the author described something different than they had expected.

A tip I was given early on is to let the readers mind fill in the details, because it will. Often you merely have to mention eyes and the reader will fill in the whole face based on how you described their eyes.

Only real complaint is the trunks were a bit over the top. Other than that I hope you keep writing and improving. As much as I dislike HP fics I'm still gonna subscribe just to see where you plan on going with this.

ha! your reply to the flamer was hilarious! i never understand why people feel the need to rip stories they don't like; just don't read it! anywhoo, im enjoying this fic though im curious about how others view this version of harry, like snape and other members of his house. obv ron doesn't like him but he's a git so who cares:)

Nice chap.Sorry for the short review I'm at work ^^

i just had to say something. the only way someone could ever complain about someone being too canon for fanfiction would be if they just replicated the original books. anything other than that, they should just stop reading. i love your story.

Nice chapter.

Amber

nice. very nice. VYXIS CAN'T HURT SILDAV!YAY! i'm happy now that i know that. very happy. i like sildav.

question: can snape sense their presence? he's rather learned on the dark.

:D luv it. update soon!

Wow.. this has to be the most cheesy of cheesy stories ive ever read.. most authors at least TRY and invent new spells, names, places, items, etc.

You havnt managed a single new .. well anything really.. cept maybe that necromancer.. and its familiar.

a spell, spelt backwards is NOT a new spell.. no.. its a spell spelt backwards.. it just means you have a backward mind, more commenly labelling you a retard. Its chapter 7 and i simply cannot read any more.
For god sake. come up with some original ideas, instead of ripping off JKRs ideas.

oh no. vyxis can't hurt sildav! that would be bad! please don't let him?

Very intriguing.

Amber

very interesting chapter though a bit confusing. update soon.

lo0ved it. please update really soon.

love it

nice update soon please