Ka-boom on your personal quarters when you were expected to be inside is a warning? I'd hate to see what's a success. And my, my aren't things wonderfully thickened by the enmity between Crion and Qui-Gon.

Now. What's next?

It's not aMUSing for your muse to be so intermittent. Will this story eventually have an ending?

Chilling
"The one he left to die. My son.”
What will he do if Jinn fines out that Xanatos is alive!
Will he help Jinn find Xanatos?
Will he hate Jinn more for Xanatos suffering?

Great story! the suspense and horror Jinn feels is so real.

Wow, the fighting was awesome. I am glad that xanatos is still alive. Master Jinn must be in shock, after all the time he spent morning his padawan. I still wonder where xanatos is and what happened to him in that prison, that made him stop talking and waitning to excape.

Your usual well written, well dialoged chapter with it bringing us to its end and suddenly finding the chapter leaves us wondering "and?". More. Please? It is apparent that this story is going to take some to finish and there seems to be so many things to resolve. Keep it coming. We wait with anticipation.

Awesome story! I can't believe that you don't have more reviews.

Gee, and I thought "veteran" Jedi never got distracted.
As for the meeting up with Xanatos father - I'm not sure where you're (your characters?) are headed with this but it should be interesting.

Another fine pair of chapters. Good action, scene description and character dialog. Caution - this is a repeat - you should be getting published! I believe that what you're writing is as good as any currently published author I can think of. I just wish you had time to post more at one time. I usually find myself having to back up a chapter to refresh before reading the newest post. Nonetheless, keep it up. I await the next chapter.

Great action chapter. You've done an outstanding job of making the situation easy to see mentally. And of course the you're
'signature'? cliff-hanger end to the chapter. Looking forward to what comes next.

First thing I noticed--you put "10 years" in numbers in your introduction. Would "ten years" look better on the screen?
Excellent chapter. I'll admit I didn't expect this much detail and explanation in just one chapter. That'll teach me not to prejudge. In three chapters--actually, in just this one--you've described both Qui'Gon and Obi-wan better than any of the movies. But then, you're working off of books, which would tend to help with the characters.
A parting thought--the last word in this chapter is "grimly". Eyuk. Just get rid of it. "He announced" is much better than. "He announced grimly". Tell me true...what does the word "grimly" add to that sentence that you don't already hear when you read it?

K. Stramin

Splendid update! I really enjoyed the conversation between Qui-gon and the pilot, how you so eloguently brought Xanatos into the picture. and has put the stirrings of doubt into Qui-gon's mind.

Can't wait for more! What a great cliff-hanger! Ahah. The pirates have arrive. Yay. Great job.

Another chapter well done. Your chapters are getting longer and I like that.
I repeat - you should be getting published! You're a good writer and you do writing that I can see in book form. It reads as well as any published writer I can think of. Glad to see you're not letting your current situation shut down a promising writing 'career'. I look forward, as always, to more.

Another fine chapter. I wish you had a full novel to read. I could sit and read your work as much as any other established novelist I can think of. From my viewpoint you have all the things it takes for an accepted writer. Those that don't know you're here are missing good work.
All I can add is "keep it up".

Aww, this has been great so far! I love how Maced pressured him, lol, so so easily so that it didn't seem "pressured", but hopefully the apprenticeship will be good for both of them.

I wonder how their first mission together will be. If it's anything like the infamous "Bandomeer mission" in the JA, it's going to a rock in a hard place, can't wait to see how you put your twist on it! Will Xan so up?

Awesome job. Great update. Can't wait for more!

I'm not sure why I didn't review the first chapter but I'll go back and do that soon. In any case, with this one...
One thing I found jarring was the abrupt transition from one scene to the other without any sort of break--Qui-Gon's and Mace Windu's conversation and then suddenly, with no warning, Qui-Gon and Obi-Wand are off on a mission. There are ways on this site to separate or transition (or whatever you want to call it). I'd recommend this.
Threatening red hair...now there's an odd phrase.

K. Stramin

Awesome start. Please continue.