Reviews for Release of the Caged Soul

Reviews For: Release of the Caged Soul - Reviews: Page 1 of 4

cherrylprincess 2008-07-18 ch 8,	abusepliz update soon!!great story!!
Lilaclight 2008-05-30 ch 8, anon.	abuseFantastic fic. It's been awhile since I have had such an opportunity to read suchh an original and refreshing well written fanfic. Yes, there are a few errors but overall, compared to most of the stuff I shift through at FFN, this one of the diamonds among pebbles. keep up the good work. A pairing that I would love to see, Hinata and Naruto definitely.
Tzarista 2008-05-21 ch 7,	abuseinteresting can't wait for more
Momosa Loves 2008-05-14 ch 8,	abuseI'm sorry to have not given reviews to your previous chapters, but I read through without stopping. This story is very enthralling and captivating. I haven't read a good story like this in a very long time in the Sailor Moon Crossover section. Not many people truly dedicate themselves to trying to make a story that is plausible but also mystical. Although TheMello does point out very good facts about your grammar, I believe that it doesn't infringe upon the story itself. TheMello and others [myself included] just tend to notice these things as we're very "sensitive" to the workings of Literature I guess you could say. Please update this story soon. I would love to see where it is you take this. I'm anticipating the next chapter very much. Wonderful writing! =]
angel 2008-05-14 ch 7, anon.	abusegreat story. wanted to give a review but don't really have an account here. anyways i be waiting for the next chapter to come out. :)
TheMello 2008-05-14 ch 8,	abuseDon't feel bad! I'm just very OCD about grammer (I actually fuss at my friends when they don't speak properly lol). I don't know what got into me that night; don't feel that you have to change anything because of my review! I hope to read more of this wonderful story soon!
sailorrose22 2008-05-14 ch 8,	abusethis is an awesome story. I think it is very good. Please Please Please Update this very soon. Thank You Very Much
Silverpaws 2008-05-14 ch 8, anon.	abuseYay this is a good fic and i really like it
mystic soilder 2008-05-13 ch 7,	abuseI never expected that from Kakashi. 20 ryo, is how much his life is worth right now(what a shame!). Please update soon, I really can't wait until the next chapter!
SailorVengeance19 2008-05-13 ch 7,	abuseoh i have waited soo long for this chapter, i hope it wont be nearly as long for the next. i just loved it.
bonbon2007 2008-05-13 ch 7,	abuseO.o I like! plz update soon!
Sweet Sere 2008-05-13 ch 7,	abuseOnce again, lovely chapter. This fic is very good and I really enjoy reading it. I'm excited for the Usa/Gaara pairing. As for a secondary pairing, I'd personally love to see a SasuNaru.
TheMello 2008-05-12 ch 7,	abuseAre you aware that you are not accepting anonymous reviews? Just checking. Also I missed it the first time, but I always reread the last chapter before starting the new one (just as a refresher), and I caught this "the sound of feint laughter could be heard in the distance". Although homonyms (sp?), I'm almost certain that you meant "faint" instead of "feint". Word processors are tricksy like that. Also, I'm not sure how to fix this, but the grammer here makes me shudder: "I have seen a child bigoted for having a power that he cannot control and is treated like a plague" (don't worry, it's not that bad; I'm just very grammer-sensitive. I think it's because I'm always reading (sweatdrop)).With that last sentence, I think it's mostly subject-verb agreement, but I'm not sure. As well, I love all the cultural and linguistic notes, but you forgot one ("Never take your blade to another outcast or a white-hand (1) unless they tried to do you wrong"). Though, I haven't been following Naruto very well (various time consuming projects are being juggled at this time), and I would greatly appreciate if you could e-mail me a summary of the pertinent(sp?) parts of the timeline. Another tip, maybe you should include a dictionary of sorts at the end of each chapter for the Japanese terms; I know I would greatly appreciate such an effort. One more grammatical note from the last chapter: I know that these are two seperate sentences, but if the rest of your story is written in the past tense, then I feel that ALL sentences should be so ("He took her over to the sand box and began playing with her with as much energy as he could give. They would continue to play into the night and early morning.") I'm not sure if this is an actual rule or not, though; it could just be a personal preference. Yay, properly used semi-colon (one word? never was good with spelling) ["functional purposes; after all"]. I cannot tell you how much I appreciate this; if you haven't already noticed, I pretty partial to semi-colons myself :). I would, however, put a comma after the word "all". Watch your verb tenses. 'Nough said. ["Every direction she looked, there was decorations of all shapes and colors."] You're from somewhere north, or WAY south (I'm from South Carolina [USA]), and it kinda shows in your use of the word "olivine". I think it's cool that we call the same stone two different words; in my neck of the woods we call it peridot. Sorry, random tangent there. Two things here ["And an earring that had an olivine-colored stone the size and length of a small needle; she had"]: one, yay semi-colon! (lol), two, I thin it's generally frowned upon to start a sentence with "and", being as it is a conjonjuction, and three, is the earring like a needle or the stone in the earring? The way it is, it appears as though Usa now has one HUGE (relatively speaking) semi-precious gemstone. AH! noun-pronoun agreement ["It was more of a defensive style because it required her opponent to attack first, but when they did attack she would position her body to use her opponents force"]! And you were dong so well with the semi-colons [" herself; and going against a Swordsman was one of the top ‘Do Not Fight’ list"]. Techinically, this would be right if one could start a sentence with "and"; however, if you've gotten this far, you will have already encountered my thoughts on that subject. I think you need to combine the two paragraphs which begin "Her kenjutsu" and "She had named", respectively. This part here ["to have the drawing of her weapon. That way it kept unnecessary death at a low"] is awkward grammatically (sp?) and cut off. I don't think you finished that sentence before moving on. At this point ["drew her weapon and it attacked the"] you either need a comma before "and". Also, the "however" foloowing the semi-colon needs a comma after it. At this part ["held nothing back, attacking the death insuring"] you either need to add a conjunction or change the comma to a semi-colon. On a cultural side-note, where I live, we use "insure" as meaning an insurance policy and "ensure" for just about everything else. Not that you have to write like you are a part of my culture; I just felt like sharing something I found intriguing. Change the comma to a semi-colon here ["reserved for this level, one was"]. Also, add a comma after "gates" [chakra gates and the other was"]. Again, subject-verb agreement ["Her ninjutsu, not including those involving her nagamaki, was almost unbelievable"]. Here, I would replace "as" with "the" ["to master as many"]. Either add "because" or a semi-colon to this sentence ["past C-rank, her chakra"]. Arg, now I'm even thinking grammatically correct (I literally just thought the word "semi-colon" where I would have put one if I was writing that thought)! Again you forgot to add foot-notes ["Fuka Oboe Kinan no Jutsu (2)"]. How can one "partially speak"? And what's the deal between Usa and the Kusakage? Who is the Kusakage? Comma instead of semi-colon ["and woman; and"]. Sorry, getting lazy writing; it's just that I'm tired of trying to think of new ways to say "also". BTW, the scene where Usa sees Naruto being beaten: very pwerfully written. Me gusta lo mucho (ha, threw insome Spanish there to trip you up lol)! FYI, I count bad grammer in speech as dialect. Heh heh, you should "hear" how some of my characters "talk" lol. ["Naruto had been seen (being) chased by a particularly large mob(,) and that some"]. Parentheses = my addition/change. It's getting late/early here, and I'm tired, so I'm being extra lazy. Apologies. Very nice use of ellipsies (sp?) (...) to add suspense. See above Spanish lol. ["With bodies and body parts of the villagers -w-e-r-e- strewn throughout the back"] (take out were).["and with them casually sitting in this scene of carnage(,) -m-a-d-e- -t-h-e-m- (they) seem(ed) even more inhumane"].["the other villages-;-(,) demo what"] got that? Replace the semi-colon with a comma. ["try -a-n-d-(to) get"]. ["village-,-(;) 70(%) of the economy"]. [" state-,-(;) the village"]. ["Usagi smirked-,-(;) she knew"]. Okay, Next Chapter! I promise no more grammer, just straight plot thoughts from here on out! How does the Hokage know that Usa's a she? Isn't her hair bound up somehow to hide it or something of the sort? Not to mention that she's still wearing the mask and the cloak; he therefore wouldn't be able to tell her gender from her body shape or facial characteristics. Okay, I lied about the grammer issue. At this point ["proof of fault, than the normal court system"], you need "then" instead of "than". "Then" refers to the passage of time, wherease "than" is used for comparison purposes. Sorry agin, I'll try to keep strictly to plot! Ah, nevermind about the gender issue; I just got to the end of the contract. Sorry, can't help my nature: ["had denied to remove her mask"] watch verb tenses. Also, ["too good to be true, he could already"] semi-colon instead of comma here. {"youkais' aura and a ningens"] Move the apostrophe before the "s" in "youkais" and add one before the "s" in "ningens". When 'Sagi threw the pot, was it the one that she was just cooking with? Probably not, I guess. Sorry, tired mind roaming off on its own tangents. ["revered gift from the gods"] lol I like that part. Actually though, speaking from experience as a poor college kid, after eating nothing but Itchiban for a month straight, I could not STAND the sight/smell of ramen for a long time afterwards. ["wasn’t made of meat no matter how small"] Add a comma after meat. ["at the table, and slapped"] Remove the comma. ["Kami's"] No apostrophe. How can Inari be both a god and a goddess? Wouldn't he/she have to pick a gender? Maybe that's just a perk of being a god. Rambling again, my apologies. ["Kami’s"] Again, strike the apostrophe. ["Throughout the meal Usagi had noticed Naruto glancing at her inquisitively"] Strike "had". ["no positive interactions+ reaction nearly complete social isolation"] I think you meant = here, right? What's the S-class law? Who's Jashin? ["more crueler"] NO! Bad Umiki!! ["any unwelcomed to their new home"] I would add "guests" between "unwelcomed" and "to", but that's a personal preference (shrug). ["more scary"] Scarier. 'Nough said. ["all of them are not ningens"] I like "none of them are ningens" better, but again, it's just a personal preference, I think. ["Glancing at the ANBU hiding in the shadows, he noticed his hand was missing the infamous little orange book and that Inu was stiff as a board"] Who is this? I feel I should know, but I've been out of the Naruto loop for a LONG time. Why is Tsunade a princess? ["Kami’s"] I'm gonna kick you. Not really, but arrg. Fix it, fix it, fix it!(Futuramam reference FYI lol). Who's Shikashi, or what does it mean? ["The spirit trio were sitting at their respectable places"] ...Uh, you do mean respective, right? ...So, they're all sitting on the same side of the table? ["Taking his seat, Usagi"] Usa got a sex-change?!?! lol. ["Kami’s"] Refer to previous statements. ["required to pray, it was up"] Semi-colon, not comma. I thought scrolls were just rolled up pieces of paper; how could one hold kunais and shuriken? Bearers of the fan? Huh? Ah, so the "fan" is the symbol of the Uchihas! (smacks self) Duh Ashley, you knew that. Please ignore my moment of stupidity.How long can Naraku survive without meat (tangent)? ["time since he had the okay"] Add another "had" before the one already there. ["both thrilling yet disappointing"] Change "yet" to "and". ["‘Just 10.7 ft left Usagi, not a cm sooner'"] Generally, measurement units are typed out fully; also, try not to mix English units with Scientific units. Add a comma before Usagi, too. ["one’s"] Strike the apostrophe. Huh, what's going on with 'Sagi's eye? Check the spelling of "telepathiclly". ["Usagi sighed and shock her head"] Shook, not shock. Heh, Naruto and Naraku have very similar names (tangent). ["stop chasing and ultimately kill Naruto"] Verb agreements. ["that you a strict"] Forgot are. Dialect only goes so far lol. ["animal in the case"] I would replace "the" with "this". ["a very gore like fashion"] Replace "gore like" with "gory". Kay, finished! I can't wait for more! Feel free to ignore/burn/laugh at/whatever anything and everything in this review, but do feel honored that it is the longest by far that I have ever written. That said, I was, for some reason, nit-picky tonight, and I do apologize; I'm not normally this obsessive-compulsive. I blame...um...well, I'll think of something to blame later. Please keep writing! By the by, please e-mail me and tell me where you are from; I promise not to go all stalker girl on you, but I am curious about the differences in writing different cultures promote. For all the suggestions, I have been using the general grammer taught to, oh, I don't know, maybe third graders? Yeah, sounds right. After third grade, the school systems here, or at least the portion that I have experienced, figure that you know everything there is to know about grammer and won't ever have any practical use for it. Ha! No wonder so many people my age or younger can't write well; those multitudes never bother with grammer in their speech, and so do not know how to properly apply it to their writing. Sorry, big grievance against the American Education System. So, yeah, keep going, can't wait for more, if you have time please reply.
Mistra Rose 2008-05-12 ch 7,	abuseMy oh my! I can't wait for the update and I wonder if she is talking about Itachi or Sasuke. GREAT chapter!
Orange Drink 2008-05-12 ch 7,	abusehurry wit more

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