 Sandshrew777 2/25/08 . chapter 1I was thinking that perhaps you were going to work in a Molly arc in that she was colorblind, in a sense, to Micah. I'm quite glad with what I ended up with, instead.
Sorry. I had a plot bunny that I had to go exercise. Poor things get too many carrots. :p
But you don't know that I broke from my review, eh? So I'll just shut up and move on.
I love your dialogue. It works on a poetic and realistic level all at once that works from a child's point of view. Your Niki (not Jessica!) is superbly in-character. I hear her speaking these words.
(Also, that third grader? How delightful she was as a character. Totally right.)
I think Micah is a little under-hitting his perception and wisdom that he's garnered in the series. While I'm not a fan of the "child knows everything because he sees it from the bottom-up" idea, I think you needed a bit more of it here to fit his canon persona. He just seems a little too innocent.
Then again, the piano scene rectifies this. Micah has to work things out. He's a doer. The dictionary scene mirrors this. Micah has a problem, is bemused, but comes up with a solution by doing something about it. Good, good, good.
You also tiptoe over the use of his powers. Another excellent choice. This isn't about powers, this is about the self. Good for you!
Really, I loved this point of view and idea. I think you could have done a little more with Micah's state of mind in that he's a bit too guileless, but this is all two years prior to our first sight of him. He most certainly has changed in that span.
Brilliant work.
Keep writing! |