i got one word 4 u...continue!

umm maybe she should fight him and then tell him she likes him lol... thats a thought. good fic by the way

Hmm...

It's an interesting concept, but I think this could be done a lot better. First of all, you need a lot more dialogue. Think about how the scenes and things you're portraying would be shown in the game, there would usually be a pretty long cutscene for the PKing of each character. One of the main problems is you don't really go in depth on anyone's thoughts on these things, you just kind of gloss over them. DEPTH IS GOOD. Show what every character thinks, have some exchanges of dialogue and e-mails to show this. A good idea would be to go more in depth into Haseo's thoughts on things, on his feelings... make a point of progressing from one point to the other, put us in Haseo's head. Show us every detail, what he sees, thinks, hears, smells, etc. Details, description (use LOTS of it), they're your friends.

I'm sorry to be so critical, but I do think you have an interesting concept here and with some work this could become a very good fic. On a positive note, I do enjoy the little interaction that you do write... it seems to me that you have an idea of what emotion you want Haseo to be feeling, you just aren't using enough details and such to really show the reader.

I really hope you don't take this too badly and listen to what I have to say, because I do think this could be a good fic. ^^;; Good luck writing!

~*Digitaldreamer*~

Awesome job with this chapter! Your action scenes are terrific! Update soon!

I really hate bordeux, she just ticks me off.

Its going a little slowly, especially with the short chapters, its like teasing me until something really awesome happens. So Im really looking forward to a lot of interesting things going on in the next chapter.

Not bad. Looking forward to some real action!

This is, thus far an excellent story. Poor little Haseo, what ever will you do now. Tri-edge is going after all of your friends. The only solution seems pretty obvious. GEt them away, for their closeness to you shall be their undoing.

Not bad. Update as soon as you can.

Im not big on Haseo/Alkaid pairing and I was hoping it would be more... Haseo/Ovan-ish, so I didn't actually notice the pairings until after I read all the chapters. Even so, its turning out pretty well, and I like how you added in Piros and his blinding armor.

Im looking forward to see what the next chapter brings.

This is a really good story so far. Update soon!