cool story, would love to see a sequal or more like it.

I'm not a huge Metroid/Samus Aran fan (I hate facing off against her in Super Smash Brothers), but I loved this story.I like how you did the open ended ending. Oh, I hope "the Hunter" saves Spider and Heavy. That's what my ending would be, 'cause I'm a sap (heh...)

I've always enjoyed reading about ancillary characters within the Metroid universe, and this piece is no exception. It's well written, with no glaring errors of spelling or grammar, and even if Spider and Heavyweight haven't a great deal of personality by themselves, you infuse enough character into the situation to compensate for it. Well done.

That was really good. You should do more.

Nice. From the title, I expected something different, but I'm glad I checked it out. I've always wondered what individual soldiers of the federation thought of Samus, and this depiction sounds right to me.

I really wonder what happened to Spider and Heavyweight. I can see them in two lights. One being saved by Samus, the second involving them taking out half of the pirates before going out by some random explosive going off taking, among other things, the pirates on a one way ride to meet the reaper.

I'm wondering if you could take a look at some of my work and render some advice for a new guy.

With a blast of arctic wind, I take my leave. I am:
Lord Genesis Shadow

Very nice. An excellent one-shot. Makes me wonder what Samus thinks about all these stories about her. In my opinion, she would think, "People sure have overactive imaginations. Apparently they didn't hear the story where I almost fell down a shaft and died. And I'm not a 'he'" :P

I do agree with alleycat that the dialogue is a bit verbose, though.

You are amazing, dude.

What happened though?

I really wanna add, "and then they all died." But that would be mean. :)

Oh yes, please write more short stories. This is the most enjoyable story I've read in a long time. The most original, best dialogue I've read in a long time!

So, you say this style is "experimental". I did notice the present tense right away, and I admit that it's strange. But I think it is the best tense for this piece. It puts us in the moment, creates this awesome tension and suspense. I think it worked very well.

I didn't find any typos, and I thought your grammar was sound. Congrats.

Only advice I can give you is that I think parts of your dialogue might be too long. When Heavyweight keeps saying "they die by the shipful", I found it a little tedious. After that point it's always "they die" blahblahblah. I think, with all the detatched paragraphs you had, that you would have said something about him "exaggerating" the death toll. And, he says it true but we are never told how he knows it's true. Did he witness it? First-hand account?

I really like the dialogue. It feels/sounds real. I'd just caution against you writing it too much like dialogue. I like the "lotsa" stuff, but sometimes the paragraph is long and winding, like true conversation is, but you need to watch it in the written word because it can be confusing.

Oh, and be careful with your italics. Sometimes you didn't put a space between your regular and italized word.

Overall, I think it's excellent stuff. I like the title too, just to let you know. Do I think the Hunter comes? Truefully, no. Not everyone can have a happy ending, but I like that you ended it there. this is going on my favorites. Thanks for a good read. Keep writing!

I think this is one of the more unique metroid fics. The way it's about soldiers talking about Samus. Most of the stories are about some enemy from the games turning out to not really be dead and Samus has to kill it.

Dude, that was good. And I only found a few minor errors. The ending just made me want a sequel or a new chapter.

This...was very good, tiki...the style was clean and brief and powerful, and the ending...very neat, and of course, leaves me wondering. Very cool, everything was...perfect! I really do hope you write more...please?? :)

I can't really give you a big literary critiscism/praise, but this deserves one. Interesting, true, and sad. And well written. Not bogged down with itself.

I, personally, would be very pleased if you continued. :) I kind of did something kind of like that recently, mocking that specific archetype. Hoo hoo...

i like it! Spider and Heavy feel very real to me, I can see two guys, been buds for a time in that same situation, talking to keep the fear back. all in all, a great start, and i hope you continue to write along this trend. but i can also see the look on their faces if it really is Samus on the other side of that door. Roll On.

very cool