Holy crap that was fantastic. I love it. I think Pireili was perfectly in character. Or rather, Davey Conners.

What up what up? I am lazy for reviewing this instead of one of your chapters. But I have accepted this...for now. I apologize that this is going to be so short, I've got a killer migraine (cue my pity party heh).

I love this! I think you've done a really nice job here capturing Pirelli's awe and envy of Benny B./Sweeney T. You can see how observant and attentive he is--he hangs on B-Bark's every move and expression. He is always on the outside looking in.

As far as your concern that Pirelli is off, I think you're ok there, although there might be a few things you could do to make him even more himself (if that makes sense). What you begin to get at here is his superficiality--his obsession with 'show.' He focuses on material objects--the hard chair he sits in, Sweeney's razor blades (that he vows to one day own), the customer's reaction, Sweeney's beautiful wife and daughter. He focuses only on result, never on process; that is, the *art* of shaving means nothing to him, all he cares for are the response to that art. He's like a writer who only cares about reviews, rather than the actual creative process of writing.

If you wanted to up the Pirelli-ness, you could focus more on his showmanship, get him to notice more Sweeney's acclaim, his accoutrements, his riches. Maybe he would even imitate/parrot Sweeney's movements with the razor from his chair, I don't know. I think you've got a very good picture of an ambitious boy looking at the top from the very bottom, so rock on.

Anyhoo, I'm off to take more Advil and feel sorry for myself because that's how I roll. This is a very lovely, descriptive, nuanced, and thoughtful piece of writing. Keep doing your thing, this is super!

cheerio,
aem

Ooh very lovely! I just love the unique way you wrote Pirelli's thoughts down, the promises he makes.. the aftertaste I have when reading the last words in the story! It's great! :D Good job! It's ironic too, somehow. lol.. *scratches head a bit confusedly* Well, I loved it! Awesome job! XD

Elwyndra

As always I love your work dear!! I think you got Pirelli down really well. There is this certain naive want, and yet there is almost a menacing want to the way he speaks too. And he seems just in awe of everything. Another beautiful Sweeney fanfic oneshot. Johnny would be proud. XD!

He seems like a young Pirelli, alright. The grandiosity and the greed is there. Naturally, he wouldn't get as mean as he did until a little bit later. What's his real name, again? Danny Higgins?