FanFiction.Net - unleash your imagination
| FanFiction.Net - unleash your imagination |
|
| Home Just In Communities Forums Beta Readers Dictionary Search | Login Register Extras |
| click 2008-03-28 ch 1, anon. | abuseAw that was really cute. I liked how you handled the switching-povs-thing, I've never read anything like that before and I think it was awesome. Also, I think you mean "trusty basketball" not "trusting basketball" :) |
| Sandshrew777 2008-02-17 ch 1,  | abuseI love your choice to run parallel scenes here. It's a smart exercise, one that I enjoyed, and I found it highly effective. I don't like your comparison of a thousand and one jazz squares. Can one really derive such pleasure from a jazz square? Eh. A thousand and one breathy tangoes, maybe...but not the simple jazz square. Right idea, wrong dance, I think. ;) I love the parallel conflicts with these characters, and it allows you to get away with little to no transition into the Troy and Sharpay conversations. Ordinarily, I'd ask you to flesh out how the making out happened, but you didn't have to. With parallel scenes, you can get away with that one. ;) You can't get away with assuming Chad's gay, though. I need more explanation for his break from canon. Ryan, too, to a lesser degree. You also get away with the lack of transitional narration by running parallel scenes into the ending sequences, so good for you. You escape my wrath...for now. *cackles evilly* Sorry. I'm going spare tonight. Anyway, I liked what you were doing here. I wanted another couple parallelism scenes and, of course, that justification and whatnot I explained earlier, but what you have here is perfectly delightful. Excellent work. Keep writing. |
| mugglerock 2008-01-29 ch 1, | abuseI love your writing so much. I really enjoyed the cutting back and forth and the various perspectives. Brilliant work! |
| CartoonxZero 2008-01-29 ch 1, | abuseAww, that was so cute! I love Chyan! |
| Anidori-Kiladra 2008-01-28 ch 1, | abuseI like the concept, but the flow left something to be desired. It was a bit confusing, because one minute they were longing for each other, and then the next they were together, and I think you could have gone into that more. You did well using the two different points of view, but it added to the confusion a bit. ~Ani |
| philosopher-kaiser 2008-01-28 ch 1, | abusehah. i like how uv narrated it so their livn the same life/lie. its a litt confusing to when they actualy confessed to eachother and started avn...fun.. ts also weird to sort of leave it on a cliff hanger of sorts. u could prob do a sequel if u wanted to. all n all, good job. |