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| Estrelita Farr 2008-02-04 ch 2,  | abuseHm... I like the idea of an original BoF3 story, but there's one thing that I feel I must comment on: the chapters are too kind of too short to actually comment on - Chapter One has three paragraphs while Chapter Two has four, and both of them are from the same scene and stops a little abruptly. What you'd want to do is to provide enough scenes in a chapter to keep the reader informed and imagine what's going on. The end of the chapter is like a break (in my opinion, at least), so if you put two different parts of one scene into different chapters, it disrupts the storyline flow and discourages readers to continue further. With that said, your English seems good, and you gave a general idea of what's going on (despite the short length of the chapters). However, I believe that more description (of the character appearance, the surroundings, the situation, etc) will improve the story. And I'm kind of curious to know what's in the cave, too. =D Ganbatte~ ~Signed, Estrelita Farr Feverishly juggling work and her BoF3 novelisation. T_T |