Reviews for The Soldier's Promise

Reviews For: The Soldier's Promise

Fan Fan Girl 2008-07-13 ch 7,	abuseIt's been a while since I've read this story. It's nice to see it updated, since it's one of the only multi-chaptered stories going in the Baten Kaitos section right now. And I'm going to review as I read this chapter because it's kind of fun this way. It was really cute how Skeed had his arm around Trill's shoulder in the beginning of this chapter, because it makes it seem like he's protecting her. It makes the fangirl in me happy. The best part, though, is that the Great Kamroh says that Skeed is HURTING her. It gives a kind of depth to their relationship because he's trying to help her but really he's doing just the opposite. I also really like the idea of Mira being affected by people's emotions, not actions. It's backward enough that that really could be true. And, haha, Trill's afraid of icky bugs. XP Also, Skeed's "impregnable ego" made me laugh. That was pretty good. I like where this is going, now that they have their relationship pretty established and they're starting to care about each other. Of course, I liked it before, but I guess I'm even more curious now to find out what happens to them, and what from Skeed's "demon" will take. Hope you can update soon. ^_^
Fan Fan Girl 2008-06-01 ch 6,	abuse"Skeed rolled over in his sleep and moaned. Trill refused to let him in the bed so he had slept on the floor last night. His head throbbed and his spine crackled like popcorn every time he moved. He had a feeling that things were going to be awkward with Trill now. She was angry with him but he was unsure of her sentiment towards him personally. She was dizzy, so it was hard to tell. He lurched to his feet and looked around." XD I ADORE this paragraph! Haha, good for Trill... She was smart enough to keep that cretin out of her bed! I also loved the comparison of Skeed's spine and popcorn, because it was original and not something that I would expect you to compare. XD And OF COURSE things are going to be awkward, silly Skeed. Oh, and I have one little grammar nitpick. [Fear gripped his heart and sent waves of panic through his body. She must have left for Parnasse after their little "fight".] When you write something in quotation marks, the period or comma is almost ALWAYS inside of them. I think there are one or two cases where this doesn't happen, but for the most part, your period should be inside your quotation marks. So it would be "fight." Not "fight". Also, Tisoco is spelled "Tisocco," I believe. I'm really impressed at the drama in the beginning/middle of the chapter when Trill and Skeed are fighting. You wrote it believably. :D Good job! Another spelling thing: Baloncoire is supposed to be "Balancoire." [Several other masked beings joined the one they called "Kamroh".] Remember that periods go inside quotation marks. The end of this chapter was scary. o_o I wasn't expecting that. I hope they're going to be okay... Update soon! I'll be waiting!
Fan Fan Girl 2008-05-19 ch 5,	abuseHi there! Sorry it took so long to review. Well, here I go. Haha, Skeed is a chauvinistic pig. Ruining poor Trill's canteen of water! I like how fleshed out he is; some times he can be a perfect gentleman, and others, a terror. Honestly, who would throw a girl over his shoulders and stomp away like that? But oh my. o_O He gets a little carried away there with Trill. "Accidentally" grabbing one of her breasts? And again I say, poor girl! It was kind of amusing, but keep in mind that if you start to write lemony scenes, up the rating to M. I personally don't like to read such stories, but don't let my opinions stop you. If you feel like the couple would take it that far, then please go right ahead and write that way! On a side note, I noticed that your paragraphing has improved a lot. It's much easier to read now and looks better. :D I have another bit of constructive criticism though. You describe things really well ("The Garden smelled heavily of moldy vegetation." :D) but I've noticed that your sentences don't have much variation. Well, some paragraphs they do. But usually, a paragraph goes something like this: They did this. Then this happened. This person felt this way. They proceeded to do this activity and this is what happened as a result. So you might want to consider mixing up your different types of sentences. Like, here's a good example of what to do: "Before Skeed could finish his declaration, Trill crammed the sandwich into his open mouth." It's not just "Trill crammed the sandwich into Skeed's open mouth before he could finish his declaration," which would sound like every other sentence. Just something to keep in mind. Obviously, you don't have to do this with every sentence in every paragraph, but it's just something to think about. Another solid chapter. Keep writing!
Fan Fan Girl 2008-03-19 ch 4,	abuseI'm still liking the relationship dynamics. Skeed and the princess he has to save. The bakery princess. XD You need some work on paragraphing in this story too... It would be much more fun to read if the dialogue was set off properly... You can look for grammar tips online or take advantage of the beta reader thing that FFN set up recently. Good work! I'll keep reading as long as you keep posting.
Fan Fan Girl 2008-03-19 ch 3,	abuse"He had taken the weapon off of a dead soldier after Melodia and Fadroh had gained control of the Imperial City. He had given his gun to a woman in the tavern so she could defend herself properly." :3 Ah. Okay. I get it now. What a gentleman! And he angsts. XD Amusing. I like the Trill/Skeed dynamics that are beginning to show. She's vocal about what she does and doesn't want to do, and he's just a silly man. "She blushed at the thought of them traveling together. He was a creep and a half. He was good-looking, too. He was a scummy mercenary. She shook her head." That bit was amazing. She contradicted herself like twice and didn't even notice! She's attracted to him, but disgusted at the same time. I think it's pretty in-character of her not to even realize her conflicting feelings. Keep up the good work.
Legacy Now 2008-02-10 ch 2,	abusehaha! Funny! ^^ I want to know what'll happen so bad! ^_^ Will Trill and Skeed's relationship bud? I'll come back! ^^
Fan Fan Girl 2008-02-09 ch 2,	abuseOh wow... You'd think that Trill would knock before entering, huh? Or maybe he didn't hear her (because he was too busy freaking out at birds on licorice trees)... I didn't think that Skeed had a sword, did he? I thought that he used a gun, like most people in the Empire. Well, then again, there's no way of knowing that most people there used guns. It's just that ever imperial soldier I've ever seen has used one, so... Why would Skeed have a sword? Ah well. Somehow I imagined Skeed as having a better work ethic than he does here. Hahaha. Trill gives me happiness and laughter, as usual. XD Keep up the good work!
Fan Fan Girl 2008-02-08 ch 1,	abuseOoh! This is a multi-chaptered fic? Yay! Do I smell a Skeed/Trill...? Okay, NOW I'm amused. You have such awesome pairings. They make me laugh and want to read more to see what happens. XD Yay. I look forward to seeing where this goes. :3 Keep it up!

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