Reviews for The Lazurian Front

Clockwork time
2008-02-12
ch 1,

abuseOK a few things i would like to say here the story is short perhaps not a bad thing but it's short i found a typo that drives me insane in like the first or second sentance you used the word "too" instead of "two".

Meteor is when a rock from space enters the atmosphere a meteorite is when it hits. Now this si your story so you can apply whatever rules you wish but for a meteor to hit the ground it has to be HUGE so if it touchs down it leaves miles of land ruined.

"I was next to Henry Roderick, our leadsman, just as a small meteorite, about the size of a .50 caliber bullet, went through his skull, killing him instantly. I turned, only to meet a face full of dirt, and yet, he was luckily they didn’t puncture… too deep."

The above sentances do not make sense to me our character was next to the lead man the meteors are coming down he gets hit and dies instantly and hes lucky it did't penatrate to deep? was our charcter like behind him that would make sense.

You keep using the term "we" to discribe the actions of the squad but only you knows who "we". the only character introduced is "Fadse Jones" we have no idea what he looks like his job or anything except he's a slow learner.

Anyway still an interesting start to a story watch that grammer and try to be more discriptive with your characters

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