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| Paladia 2008-04-23 ch 3,  | abuseAre you...serious? Twyla Star? I have to say, that is a really...odd name. So I can over the name, however it's quite difficult to trudge through your fic. Twyla already, right off the bat makes an obnoxious appearance with her description and her "mysterious" one liner. And exactly what does a "fiery" chocolate brown hair look like? Her character has been one dimensional so far. She'll be looking for Yuki and Kaname will suddenly forget all about the promise he made to the Kurans and ditch Yuki for her sister? Who they named Twilight? Okay so moving on, grammar, punctuation and just simple sentence structures. I suggest a tough beta, because you really are missing many things. Contrary to popular belief, punctuations make it easy for readers to read your story, they are not there for just the heck of it. And please, cut back a bit on the excessive descriptions of how cute Twyla looks. You're on the road of turning her 100% into a Mary Sue. One more thing, the day and night dorms are far apart. The two dorms and the main school building make a triangle. |
| eternallyweird 2008-04-21 ch 3, | abuseIt seems interesting so far. :) Skelanimals are adorable! Anyway, awesome story! |
| Boberick. 2008-03-29 ch 2, | abuseM, Yuki doesn't call him -sama, she uses senpai. She used to use -sama but i think he said she shouldn't or something. I think he's quite close to his real nature. And Zero's character is very good as well. A nice story. : ) or the beginnings of one. |
| Innocent Butterfly 2008-03-27 ch 2, | abusecute! |
| Eternal Cosmic Sailor Satur... 2008-03-11 ch 1, | abuseThis is so cool. Like you, I've only read as far as posted in Shojo Beat so this is going to be a cool read. |
| FrozenRose01 2008-02-22 ch 1, | abusehmm.. this looks like it could be an interisting story i'll keep reading |
| Dragon of Ice and Light 2008-02-01 ch 1, | abuseinteresting beginning to a possibly good story i will keep reading to find out and i am so in favour of Yuuki/Zero and Kaname/OC Pairings. So Keep up the good work! |